WEBVTT

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music

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At sixteen years old, I was dragged out of the closet.

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I never really had a chance to come out to the people I cared most about.

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I'll back up a bit. When I was fifteen years old, I fell in love for the first time ever

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And it just so happened to be with a girl.

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That girl was my best friend that I had known for just over a year.

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As much as this surprised everyone else in my life a year later when that closet door came flying open out of nowhere, 

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It also threw me for a curveball at the time.

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Now looking back, there were so many signs that I was queer as hell. laughter

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But nonetheless, I was able to not so contently suppress those

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Or this part of my identity for quite some time.

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I was actually terrified to come out to myself and admit that

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My feelings towards the same sex were valid.

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While I still recognized an attraction to the opposite sex, I could not for the life of me shake the feelings I had for this girl.

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I had never felt anything like it. Being a sophomore in high school, I went to school dances with 

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Guys and tried dating a few, but none of it felt right.

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I remember thinking to myself Why, why am I feeling this way, why a girl?

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It took months of overthinking, anxiety and crying myself to sleep

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Before I realized that this feeling was no phase.

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I remember the night I called her. I was a wreck.

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I asked if she could pick me up from my parents' house and go for a drive with me.

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I sat in the passenger seat, staring at the tall trees and happy houses, gazing at the moon.

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Wishing I was there instead. I was shaking.

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I told her I had something really important to tell her.

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We pulled into a parking lot and sat in silence for what felt like forever.

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I felt sick. In a moment of terror and bravery, I looked at her and said

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I'm bi, and I think I'm in love with a girl.

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Oh, okay cool, she responded. Cool, it was cool. laughter

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In the months to follow after this conversation, I became more bold, and you could say more flirty. 

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We spent hours texting, snapchatting and hanging out

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In person every chance we could.

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One particular evening as we were lounging around in her room, I courageously blurted out

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Do you want to date me? laughter. She looked up at me with half a smirk and said

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Sure. laughter. I was elated. 

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So here I was keeping myself, my girlfriend and our relationship in the closet.

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She was already out to her parents and friends, and I was still heterosexual Hannah

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In everyone else's eyes. laughter

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Being happily head over heels, I wanted to be cheesy and share my love too.

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Just not with anyone in my personal life.

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So I turned to the magical world of social media.

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Tumblr to be exact. laughter. Yeah, yeah.

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It felt so freeing to follow other queer people and show my relationship off proudly. 

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This of course quickly backfired.

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One day I fell asleep on the couch in my parents' living room with my phone nearby.

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My phone alerted me every time I got a notification.

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Apparently everyone on Tumblr loved what I was posting that day.

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My mom just so happened to be sitting in the chair next to me when she heard the notifications going off.

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Being the curious and concerned mother she is, 

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She tracked down the source of these notifications, and stumbled upon, essentially, 

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My big queer online diary. chattering

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To her surprise, she found many pictures of my girlfriend and I holding hands, 

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Kissing, you know just generally being cute.

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I woke from my happy slumber and entered a real life nightmare. 

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My mom was sitting across from me with tears in her eyes and just said Why didn't you tell me?

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I was sick. I was confused. I was wide awake.

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In the short time that I was sleeping, my mom had discovered that I was in fact not straight, 

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Told all my immediate family members for me,

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Dad, siblings, aunts and uncles, 

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And just like that I was stripped bare in front of everyone.

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And I was not ready.

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While most of my family was supportive, they were also in disbelief for a while.

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There were questions, lots of them.

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I told my mom that I identified as bi. Because of this label, she continued to press

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The possibility of me being with men in the future.

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I did not feel fully accepted. My current partner was a girl.

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My attraction to women was real, and the possibility of me marrying a woman was high.

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In order to kind of force her to accept the idea of me dating and potentially marrying a woman, 

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In the future, I changed my identity to lesbian. 

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It wasn't until recently that I changed my identity back to bisexual or queer.

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And it was not easy, but

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This is a big part of my identity, and it's okay.

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Flash forward to today in this very moment in front of all of you, 

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I can proudly say that I am happier than I ever thought possible.

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I do have a wonderfully supportive family, group of friends

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And a pretty kick a.. girlfriend, who I've been lucky enough to build a life with

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For the past six years.

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applause, cheering

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Love you! applause

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I still can't seem to shake those feelings I had for her back in high school, 

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And I don't ever want to. Oh, and if anyone is wondering, her name is Hannah too.

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laughter, applause

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applause, cheering

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I used to wear a lot of hats. This is a phrase I used time and time again to describe my coming out story.

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To preface, I am a female assigned at birth individual. 

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My first recollection of coming out was when I was in eighth grade.

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I came out as a lesbian to my mother one night when she was taking a smoke break.

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She, a Catholic at the time, took this surprisingly well, even more surprisingly 

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She started telling me stories about her times in Canada with her group of gay friends. 

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laughter

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She radically accepted me for who I was. Life was pretty good. 

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A while after I came out to my mother as a lesbian, I started questioning my sexuality once again.

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I went from identifying as a lesbian to identifying as bisexual,

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Back to being a lesbian to panromantic demisexual,

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And finally to pansexual panromantic.

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I came back out to my mother when I began identifying as pansexual panromantic.

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She reacted well. She said she was happy I was attracted to men.

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She was excited about the prospect of me possibly bearing her some grandchildren in the future.

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Today, I continue questioning my sexual and romantic orientation every now and then.

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Though, I've come to the conclusion that while I may have some

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Restrictions on my attraction, pansexual and panromantic are the words that I

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Most likely will always use to describe my sexual and romantic orientation.

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Now, gender identity.

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Oh, goodness, gender identity! laughter

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Like most people in my generation, I grew up on the internet.

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My first exposure to transgender individuals outside of 

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Trashy television shows like Maury, Dr. Phil, you know, 

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Was on the internet. When I was in sixth grade, I followed an artist who was an

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Openly pansexual polyamorous trans man. 

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He live streamed with his microphone on and his voice was way more 

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Feminine than people had come to expect. 

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This lead to a lot of people in the chatroom asking about what gender he actually was.

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He said that he was a trans man and explained what that meant to him

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I didn't know why at the time, but just the thought of trans people 

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Existing. Wow! What a concept?

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It made me very excited even though I didn't know why.

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I didn't start actually questioning my gender identity until eighth grade.

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Around this time, researching things on the internet became one of my favorite pastimes. 

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Because of this, I eventually

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Stumbled across websites that were dedicated to creating transgender awareness. 

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From these websites, I learned a lot about how, a lot about gender identities 

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And how other people experience gender.

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At this time, I luckily had a friend that was a very good LGBTQ plus ally. 

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I eventually confided to her that I was questioning my gender identity and wanted to experiment. 

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I tried on many different identities and used so many different pronoun sets, 

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All of which my friend validated me in.

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She would even use the pronouns I was experimenting with when she would refer to me.

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For about a year, I was just experimenting and trying to figure out myself and my gender identity. 

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After a long while of experimentation, I came to a crossroads with how I identified. 

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I was stuck between identifying as transgender FtM and non binary. 

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Although I felt like I was one hundred percent non binary, I decided to come out as transgender.

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I did this mainly because at the time, being transgender was easier to explain to people then being non binary was. 

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I wrote a small coming out letter and read it to my mother one night before bed.

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She was quiet at first, then sad,

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Then angry. She yelled at me and told me that she, 

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I can't take away her only daughter.

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That I wasn't allowed to be transgender. She wouldn't let me cut my hair,

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Wouldn't change the name or pronouns she used for me, nothing.

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I wasn't allowed to who I felt I was at the time, at all.

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She took my internet privileges away, and I 

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Spiraled in to a pretty rough depression, pretty rough period of depression after this.

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My mental health got worse and so did my dysphoria. 

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A year later, I tried coming out again.

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Except this time, I wrote a ten page, ten page! Coming out letter. 

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I explained what being transgender meant, how I experience being trans,

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What dysphoria made me feel like and included pieces of vent art that I created 

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At the very end of the letter. I read this letter to my mother and showed her my artwork.

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This time she was quiet, and then she cried

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And she continued crying. She told me that she did research into what being transgender meant, and

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How peoples' stories touched her heart. She accepted me.

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She started talking to me about getting me onto testosterone, which was something I wanted to do at the time,

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Changing my name and doing anything I wanted to to make me feel more comfortable in my body. 

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I then came out on Facebook and, subsequently, my entire high school.

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Everyone took it pretty well. My friends and teachers started using my new name and pronouns.

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I got access to my school's one stall bathroom.

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It was overall a pretty positive experience.

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Another year later, I got on testosterone, legally changed my name and gender marker

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And was well into my transition. I was happy. 

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And then suddenly, dysphoria. 

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Again, he, him pronouns started making me feel uncomfortable.

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For a while, I couldn't figure out why, and then it hit me. Oh, right! 

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Being non binary? Yeah, that's a thing. That thing? That me!

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laughter 

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I did some self reflection and decided that, yeah, it time to finally come out again!

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I wrote another small coming out letter for my mother. I read it to her one night, and she kind of just

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Shrugged me off. 

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She told me that they, them pronouns were not grammatically correct,

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Told me that people can either be male or female

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And she refused to accept me. At this point though, I didn't care much.

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I had a lot of reasons to dislike my mother during this time of my life.

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Regardless of her acceptance or lack thereof of me,

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I came out on Facebook and, subsequently, my whole high school, again! 

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This time, though, it was hard. I lost some of my friends because they

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They though I was fake and attention seeking.

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A lot of people didn't use they, them pronouns for me, and actually started being actively cruel towards me.

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People would taunt me with my birth name, call me she he, you know, the works.

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When I came out to, Oh, this one's a kicker!

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When I came out to the doctor that I

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Go through to get testosterone, he shrugged it off.

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He said that non binary people basically don't exist, and he kept raising my 

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Testosterone levels, and because I'm non confrontational, I didn't say anything. 

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But kept raising my testosterone levels, and I got to a point where testosterone has made

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Me a dysphoria inducing amount of masculine.

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Long story short, coming out as non binary was rough to say the least.

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Overall, coming out has been a rollercoaster of an experience for me.

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There have been good experiences, and there have been pretty awful experiences.

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At WOU I have made so many LGBTQ plus friends and have found

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LGBTQ plus spaces where I can truly be myself.

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I still sometimes question my orientation and gender identity, and because of the LGBTQ plus community here at WOU, 

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I've come to learn that that's okay.

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I've been off of testosterone hormone blockers for several months now.

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I still get dysphoric about how masculine testosterone has made me.

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But because other people have accepted me, I've started accepting myself.

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My mom has finally started to try using

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My mom has finally started to try using they, them pronouns for me,

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Which isn't to say that we get along, however at least we have this going for us at the very least.

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I take pride in being who I am now.

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I'm Aeron, a name which is now spelled in a way that makes me less dysphoric.

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I am a pansexual slash panromantic non binary trans person, 

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Who is currently questioning where I fit on the non binary spectrum, and I am proud.

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applause, cheering

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I knew I was gay from the time I was really, really young.

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In elementary school, there were kids my same age who

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went out on the playground with me, and we did some exploring.

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Right? We did some exploring of each other's anatomy. I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

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That kind of thing, right? laughter

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And I discovered through that that I did have an attraction

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To other kids of the same gender.

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And as I grew up, we used, we watched a TV program called

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Dukes of Hazzard. There's lots of youngsters in the room tonight. You may not be familiar with the Dukes of Hazzard and CHiPs.

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Okay? But there's a couple of really handsome guys on those shows. 

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And in the late seventies, early eighties, 

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The captioning on those shows were 

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Were not really, not great, okay? Not great captioning.

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So what I did was I parked myself right in front of the TV

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Okay? Sat criss cross,

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Open mouthed and watched as Erik Estrada donned that 

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Belt, that police belt, and those tight pants.

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And got out of that car with a package. laughter

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That package just bulging, bulging. laughter

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And I was just mouth agape. I though that is hot! 

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laughter. I knew where I aligned.

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Growing up in school, being LGBTQ was not particularly accepted.

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Okay?

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So I am going to put that journey on hold for a little bit. 

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When I was 18, I had already been with a man. 

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A high school wrestler, latino wrestler Jack. 

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Again, we go back to the package ok, 

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And this guy had it, and he was good looking to boot. 

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signing

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I did not end up coming out until my second year in college. 

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I attended college, 

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At the National Technical Institute for the Deaf, a college of 

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RIT, Rochester Institute Technology, 

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And as a student there, 

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At the age of 19, 

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I knew I was gay. Firmly in the gay camp. 

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I called my mom, this was October 11th,

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Of 1992, 

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My mom was living in San Diego, and I was in New York. 

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I was using a TTY. A teletype machine. 

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Which again, all of you in the younger generation may not 

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Be familiar with this, there was a phone you would actually dial, 

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Brrr, dial, brrrr, dial. You would put the hand receiver, the handset 

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On the coupler of that device, you would type words out to the 

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Other party who you where conversing with over the phone, my mom would 

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Type back to me, I would type to her, she would type to me. 

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Consecutively. Consecutive conversation. So in conversation 

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With mom via this device I said Mom, I am gay.

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My mom was very accepting very supportive, she said great, and I have 

00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:24.000
A lot of questions to ask you. I said ok. Is it because 

00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:28.000
I was a bad mom, I said no no mom. Was it because I did not remarry? 

00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:32.000
And you didn't have a father figure? I said no. Is it because I did not have a boyfriend? 

00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:36.000
I said no. So she asked me the sort of normal 

00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:40.000
List of questions. I said mom you are not a failure 

00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:44.000
You did just fine. Gay is me, it is just who I am.

00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:48.000
Not anything to do with you or how you raised me. 

00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:52.000
Ok, great. So she was very accepting 

00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:56.000
signing

00:17:56.000 --> 00:17:60.000
Now while I was college, again I came out when I was 19, 

00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:04.000
There in that college environment, was not particularly 

00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:08.000
Accepting. So there was lots of challenges. Remember this was in the early 90s, 

00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:12.000
I was really struggling to come forward 

00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:16.000
As a gay individual, there's like the faculty 

00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:20.000
Staff, student body that kind of comes 

00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:24.000
Together to either make a positive environment or a non 

00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:28.000
Positive environment. And I actually ended up writing 

00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:32.000
An article in the student newspaper, and 

00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:36.000
A lot of that I have carried to this day. 

00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:40.000
A lot of these stories and the story I am sharing with you today. 

00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:44.000
Its been a long journey coming out, 

00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:48.000
The next thing that I was intending to happen tonight, was 

00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:52.000
A suprise. It was my moms involvement in the story. 

00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:56.000
My mom was going to come out of the audience 

00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:60.000
And come up to the stage and she was gonna make a statement. But she had surgery 

00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:04.000
Last Thursday so unfortunately she does not feel well enough to attend tonight. 

00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:08.000
She had planned to come up on stage, as I am now, march up to the 

00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:12.000
Microphone that I am pretending is here, the interpreter is holding it, 

00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:16.000
And make an announcement. An announcement she had told me six years 

00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:20.000
After I came out to her. 

00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:24.000
When she told me, that she was lesbian. 

00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:30.000
And that concludes my monologue. Thank you all so much. 

00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:33.000
I am the youngest of six kids. Born to 

00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:36.000
A southern baptist preacher and a housewife. 

00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:40.000
I was born in the small town of 

00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.000
Viven Louisiana in 1969. There were no gay people 

00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:48.000
In my town. Of course there where. 

00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:52.000
They were just hiding. 

00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:56.000
I had no name for or concept of a gay 

00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:60.000
Person. No frame of reference. 

00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.000
Then came AIDS, in the 1980's. 

00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:08.000
The fear and furry rippled through my small town. 

00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:12.000
Be careful in public, they said.

00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:16.000
Refuse to take a blood transfusion they said. Do not 

00:20:16.000 --> 00:20:20.000
use public bathrooms. And then came the 

00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:24.000
Celebrity deaths. Rock Hudson. Liberache. 

00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:28.000
I know most of you all do not know who I am talking about when I say those names. 

00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:32.000
And then a friends brother,

00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:36.000
Died. In 1986. My 

00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:40.000
Daddy, the southern baptist preacher said, that is what 

00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:44.000
They all get for being queer. 

00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:48.000
They were all condemned to hell, according to my daddy. 

00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:52.000
I was raised in church of course, we were there twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday, 

00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:56.000
I always believed John 3:16 

00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:60.000
For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that who soever 

00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:04.000
Believed in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 

00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:08.000
So of course I thought, he loved me to. 

00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:12.000
Slowly I begin to attempt 

00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:16.000
To come to terms that I was gay. I still had not heard the term lesbian, 

00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:20.000
Did not know what that was. 

00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.000
One night, outside the piggly wiggly, 

00:21:24.000 --> 00:21:28.000
Anybody know what a Piggly Wiggly is? 

00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:32.000
Good, small town remember. 

00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:36.000
Outside the piggly wiggly of my hometown where all the teenagers hung 

00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:40.000
Out, I got into a fight. 

00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:44.000
Kelly, Angela and I were hanging out in a section of the parking lot, 

00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:48.000
As Angela walked over to another group of people, 

00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:52.000
Kelly said to me, you are sweet on her aren't ya queer. 

00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:56.000
This filled me with terror. 

00:21:56.000 --> 00:21:60.000
No one had ever called me out before, 

00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:04.000
No one knew my secret I tried so hard to forget. 

00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:08.000
Yet here Kelly was, saying out loud in the middle of 

00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:12.000
The parking lot. 

00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:16.000
I saw red, I pounced on Kelly and I begin to punch her. 

00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:20.000
Take it back, I said. You are the queer, I said. 

00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:24.000
She attempted to fight back, but she was not operating on 

00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:28.000
Fear and anger and shame like I was. 

00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:32.000
Angela rushed back over and pulled me off of Kelly. 

00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:37.000
I glared at Kelly, and if I could have killed her I would have. 

00:22:39.000 --> 00:22:42.000
She was my sisters friend, so I had to make things right. 

00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:46.000
I can not let that go on. So I talked to her, 

00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:50.000
I apologized, and she did as well. 

00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:55.000
Months or so later, we talked, 

00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:60.000
We came out to each other, 

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:04.000
It was such a huge relief to realize we had been projecting on to one another. 

00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:09.000
The most comforting part, was there's another person in my small town like me!

00:23:09.000 --> 00:23:13.000
My biggest struggle at this age was 

00:23:13.000 --> 00:23:15.000
Reconziling my faith. 

00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:18.000
With the realization that I was gay. 

00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:23.000
How could the God that I learned about in Sunday school, 

00:23:23.000 --> 00:23:28.000
The God that gave us rainbows, the God that gave us baby Jesus, 

00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:32.000
How could that God find me an abomination 

00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:36.000
Like my daddy claimed. I began to think that I must change 

00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:40.000
Something fundamental about myself in order to get into heaven. 

00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:44.000
My family were forever trying to set me up with a 

00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:48.000
Nice young man. 

00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:52.000
I became very depressed. I drank

00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:56.000
A lot. I was angry that God 

00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:60.000
And my family condemned me to hell simply for who I loved.

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.000
I flunked out of college, after a year 

00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:08.000
And a half. My life was in absolute upheaval. 

00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:12.000
Shortly after, 

00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:16.000
I was sexually assaulted, and subsequently attempted 

00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:20.000
Suicide. I was, as we put in the South, 

00:24:20.000 --> 00:24:24.000
A hot mess. My parents put me in therapy, 

00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:28.000
At a southern baptist affiliated clinic with the hopes that I could be fixed. 

00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:32.000
I know they suspected I was gay, maybe they had heard 

00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:36.000
Lesbian by now, I do not know and hope 

00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:40.000
That I could be converted back to normal. I had news for them, 

00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:44.000
I never was and never would be what they considered as normal. 

00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:48.000
Actually had a fantastic therapist. He really saved my life. 

00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:52.000
And helped me understand that I had value, and that God 

00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:56.000
Loved me just the way I am. With the help of supportive friends 

00:24:56.000 --> 00:24:60.000
I began to heal. When I was 21 I was having a conversation 

00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.000
With my friend Abbie. Abbie and I had been friends since third grade. 

00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:08.000
And I had been thinking about coming out to her. 

00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:12.000
We were in my truck one night after riding around town, because that's what you did, 

00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:16.000
Of the Piggly wiggly parking lot and down to the sonic parking lot and then back to the piggly wiggly 

00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:20.000
Thats what you did. So. 

00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:24.000
Still, 21 years of age thats what I am doing. Thats all there is! 

00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:28.000
Thats why I left! Well one of the reasons. Anyway. 

00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:32.000
And so I told 

00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:36.000
You know I have been thinking about telling Abby and so I said Abby, I have something to tell you 

00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:40.000
And she said ok, and I said I am gay, and she said oh I thought so. 

00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:44.000
She said well are you attracted to me? And I said no, 

00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:48.000
Laughter 

00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:52.000
And then she said, Don't you want to 

00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:56.000
Kiss me? Again I said no?! 

00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:60.000
Why not? She asked

00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:04.000
Seemingly offended. I mean, she was upset. 

00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:08.000
I looked at her incredulously and asked her, are you attracted 

00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:12.000
To every guy you see or every guy you know? 

00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:16.000
Of course not, she replied. I went on to explain to her that 

00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:20.000
I was not attracted to all women. It just doesn't work that way!

00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:24.000
She was truly upset that I did not have a romantic or sexual interest in her. 

00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:28.000
Honestly our friendship went off the rails not to long 

00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:32.000
After that. A few years later, 

00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:36.000
I was talking with my friend Myron, he and I had been friends since fourth grade, 

00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:40.000
   

00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:44.000
You know, you grow up with these people and I said 

00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:48.000
I did not know anyone who was gay and I have a high school full of people that I know 

00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:52.000
Are gay now that I did not know then because I did not know what they look like! 

00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:56.000
Nobody wore a tag, a hat, or nothing like that. 

00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:60.000
So it was hard to figure that out. Anyway.

00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.000
Or I am the little slower type. That could be the thing to

00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:08.000
I was telling my friend Myron, this was several years later, and he said 

00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:11.000
   

00:27:11.000 --> 00:27:14.000
His being gay and my being gay would not keep us from Heaven. 

00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:18.000
And he said he had a conversation with his pastor, 

00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:20.000
Who had said the only thing thats 

00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:24.000
Can separate us from God, 

00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:28.000
The only thing that is a sin is what's 

00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:32.000
We let separate us from God. 

00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:36.000
My sexual orientation prevented me from having a relationship with God only if I 

00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:40.000
Let it, in other words. 

00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.000
I felt like now I was in complete control of my destiny. 

00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:48.000
That was the final piece. The chains I bound myself with 

00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:52.000
Begun to loosen and I had begun to love and accept myself as I never had before. 

00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:56.000
Fast forward through some years, 

00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:60.000
I met this wonderful woman, with two little girls, 

00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.000
That I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. 

00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:08.000
Almost 14 years 

00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:12.000
Later I still have to pinch myself sometimes, when I realize 

00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:16.000
What an amazing life I have. Beth has truly 

00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:20.000
Always been my number one fan. I have great friends, 

00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:24.000
I have a great job, I have a great church, 

00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:28.000
I have had some struggles, but I also have been immensely blessed 

00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:32.000
Some people seem to come out of the womb knowing who and what 

00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:36.000
They are. Others, like me, `

00:28:36.000 --> 00:28:40.000
Are like me, and they are maybe like you. 

00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:44.000
If you are struggling as I did it will get better, but I won't lie 

00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:48.000
To you and tell you it will be easy. It takes strength, 

00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:52.000
And determination that those self assured folks have never possessed

00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:56.000
But it has all been worth it, and I wouldn't change it 

00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:60.000
Applause 

00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:05.000
Applause 

00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:08.000
So I wrote this after I was given the opportunity to 

00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:12.000
Listen to Meghan Folly perform her piece, Coming out and Being 

00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:16.000
Pushed Back in again. And the line was, when you look like I do 

00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:20.000
You don't so much as come out of the closet as you do a revolving 

00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:24.000
Door. Coming out and being pushed back in again so many times 

00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:28.000
A day that you get dizzy. 

00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:32.000
Being queer and Fem is 

00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:36.000
People wondering why I use they/them pronouns. 

00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:40.000
You don't look nonbinary? 

00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:44.000
Being queer, Fem, married to a cisgender 

00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:48.000
Sexual man, is going into queer spaces. 

00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:52.000
And getting stares. Its pulling back my hair to show 

00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:56.000
My undercut in hopes that that might clue people 

00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:60.000
In. Being queer, 

00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.000
Fem, married to a cisgendered man, and poly, 

00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:08.000
Is being told on a date, you being gay isn't a problem 

00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:12.000
Right now. Insinuating that because 

00:30:12.000 --> 00:30:16.000
My partner is male, right now, that isn't 

00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:20.000
That I am the good kind of gay. 

00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:24.000
Being queer, fem, married to a cishap man, 

00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:28.000
Poly, and now dating a man, is being asked 

00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:32.000
by people who have only ever known me as queer, 

00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:36.000
If I am sure of my gayness. 

00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:40.000
Being queer, fem, married to a cishap man, poly, 

00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:44.000
Dating a man in the community, is not wanting to hold hands 

00:30:44.000 --> 00:30:48.000
In a gay bar, because I do not want to be misidentified 

00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:52.000
As straight, it took me this long to come out. 

00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:56.000
And I am not about to be put back in. 

00:30:56.000 --> 00:30:60.000
Its second guessing going to pride because I am not sure if I am gay 

00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:04.000
Enough. Its stumbling over the words trying 

00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:08.000
To explain to my amazing ally of a husband, I am not sure

00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:12.000
If I fit in anywhere anymore. 

00:31:12.000 --> 00:31:16.000
Its waiting three months to tell my boyfriend I use they/them pronouns. 

00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:20.000
All while posting out and proud photos on facebook, 

00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:24.000
Because I am afraid he won't believe me. 

00:31:24.000 --> 00:31:28.000
I am fem. 

00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:32.000
But then he apologizes for not using my pronouns and he tells me 

00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:36.000
That he would have used they from the very beginning, 

00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:40.000
I realized, being queer fem, married to a 

00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:44.000
To a cishap man, poly, dating a man in the community doesn't 

00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:48.000
Make you less gay. It is simply having to go 

00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:52.000
And come out of the closet more times a day pushing through that revolving 

00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:56.000
Door, no matter how many times I am pushed back in. And no matter how many 

00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:60.000
Times it happens, it is important to keep pushing through those doors, 

00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:04.000
For all of the other queer, Fem, thems out their 

00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:08.000
I am Fem, married to 

00:32:08.000 --> 00:32:12.000
A cishap man, poly, dating another man in the community

00:32:12.000 --> 00:32:16.000
But none of that will ever erase that I am queer. 

00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:20.000
Applause 

00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.000
applause

00:32:24.000 --> 00:32:28.000
applause

00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:32.000
If you saw our promotional materials you saw that we have two very special 

00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:36.000
Guest storytellers tonight. And when Ted and I first did this production 

00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:40.000
In 2015 here at Western, we saw people 

00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:44.000
Come and continue to walk in and continue to walk in, and we had to keep 

00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:48.000
Setting up chairs. We guessed maybe 100 would come, we got to like 250 

00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:52.000
And we were like oh we have to get more chairs. And we have consistently  

00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:56.000
Seen this audience, and that is why we took this show to Portland. 

00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:60.000
Doing this show in Portland, we came across two storytellers, 

00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:04.000
That embodied our potential, for who we could 

00:33:04.000 --> 00:33:08.000
Be as Western. We have done this show ten times now, three times 

00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:12.000
At Western, seven times in Portland. Different casts, different 

00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:16.000
Productions, and we met 

00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:20.000
These two folks. Last fall

00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.000
The second storyteller you are going to hear in a minute 

00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:28.000
Their story was featured on a 

00:33:28.000 --> 00:33:32.000
Pantsuit nation, went viral, and has been scene 

00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:36.000
About 6800 times since our coming out monologues 

00:33:36.000 --> 00:33:40.000
Production in Portland. But what these stories embody  

00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:44.000
Is who we are at Western. Who do we want to be. 

00:33:44.000 --> 00:33:48.000
How to we want to be affirming and supportive for future students? 

00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:53.000
And for parents who are looking at our college and saying Is my kid going to be safe here.

00:33:53.000 --> 00:33:55.000
Is my kid going to be affirmed in their identity here,

00:33:55.000 --> 00:33:59.000
Celebrated in their identity here, welcomed, not misgendered,

00:33:59.000 --> 00:33:63.000
Not invalidated?

00:34:03.000 --> 00:34:07.000
So these two stories are a parent and a child.

00:34:07.000 --> 00:34:12.000
And I want you to hear them, and you will love them as much as Ted and I do.

00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:17.000
applause

00:34:17.000 --> 00:34:20.000
I'm going to be reading to you from my diary.

00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:24.000
And I want to preface that

00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:28.000
The journal entry that I'm going to read is nine years old.

00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:31.000
A letter to my child.

00:34:31.000 --> 00:34:37.000
And the sentiment was and is authentic.

00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:43.000
But the misuse of pronouns

00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:47.000
And the misgendering of my daughter is

00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:52.000
Incredibly awkward and wrong to me now.

00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:58.000
I'm reading this letter as is, with my daughter's permission,

00:34:58.000 --> 00:34:60.000
For the sake of storytelling, 

00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.000
And telling from a time and a place and a perspective

00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:09.000
That I stood where I stood nearly a decade ago.

00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:17.000
Sunday, October thirty first, 2010.

00:35:17.000 --> 00:35:21.000
My sweet boy, 

00:35:21.000 --> 00:35:26.000
Is it really possible that I could love you more today than when you were born?

00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:29.000
I didn't know that my heart could expand so much.

00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:33.000
You are now two and three quarters years old.

00:35:33.000 --> 00:35:36.000
You are quite the talker and storyteller now.

00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:40.000
You're not nearly as interested in the world that you live in and all the facts

00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:45.000
That accompany it as you are in the fanciful stories you create

00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:49.000
And the places your imagination takes you.

00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:55.000
The past couple weeks you've been assuring me that you will protect me from mean crocodiles and purple dragons. 

00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:58.000
How very chivalrous of you.

00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:62.000
You are an extremely focused little boy,

00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:05.000
As well as very persistent.

00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:08.000
Once you get your mind set on something, there's nothing

00:36:08.000 --> 00:36:12.000
Anyone can say or do to keep you from it.

00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:14.000
Your determination is quite admirable,

00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:20.000
But at times it's difficult to watch as you set out to do things you're not yet capable of

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:26.000
Or coordinated to accomplish, especially when you absolutely refuse help.

00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:29.000
No matter how frustrated you get,

00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:33.000
We have to sit back and watch your repeated efforts.

00:36:33.000 --> 00:36:37.000
At this stage in your life, this trait of persistence reaps frustration,

00:36:37.000 --> 00:36:40.000
Crying, tantrums and such.

00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:44.000
But later in your life, this trait will prove to be quiet the attribute. 

00:36:44.000 --> 00:36:48.000
Focused, determined, concentrated,

00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:52.000
Self reliant, goal oriented.

00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:56.000
With time, your capabilities and patience will increase,

00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:60.000
 And this, I imagine, will make you quite the accomplished young man.

00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:06.000
Whatever you set out to do, whatever you want to be, you will succeed. 

00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:10.000
Right now, my guess would be that you'll be a writer

00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:15.000
but when we ask you what you want to be when you grow up, you say either a mommy

00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:19.000
Or a princess, and if we attempt to correct you, 

00:37:19.000 --> 00:37:22.000
Your answers, attempt to correct your answers, 

00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:24.000
And say daddy or prince, 

00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:28.000
You assert your original answers with conviction. 

00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:32.000
You've even announced to me on a couple unprovoked occasions, Mama, 

00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:35.000
I'm a girl.

00:37:35.000 --> 00:37:40.000
Given you've been dressing yourself in skirts and wearing hair, my dishtowels, 

00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:44.000
On your head for the past several weeks, I've had to question what 

00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:48.000
Your gender identity and or sexual orientation may be.

00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:52.000
Although our honest preference would be for you to be heterosexual for the mere sake

00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:56.000
Of an easier and less judged existence in the outside

00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:58.000
Religiously influenced world, 

00:37:58.000 --> 00:37:63.000
Your father and I both agree we don't care if you're gay.

00:38:03.000 --> 00:38:07.000
Let me rephrase that. Because we care very much

00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:11.000
About you, your identity, 

00:38:11.000 --> 00:38:16.000
Your happiness, et cetera,

00:38:16.000 --> 00:38:20.000
What I meant to say

00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:26.000
Is that we will love you for you,

00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:32.000
Whoever you are, no matter what.

00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:35.000
You are our child,

00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:41.000
 And our love for you is unconditional. 

00:38:41.000 --> 00:38:44.000
Don't clap yet. laughter

00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:48.000
Because I can't end crying.

00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:54.000
I'd like to end on a more lighthearted note.

00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:57.000
And this is about Ella's dad's reaction

00:38:57.000 --> 00:38:62.000
To my first mention of the possibility that our child was transgender. 

00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:08.000
Keep in mind that her dad is a self proclaimed red neck.

00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:12.000
And when I first told him that our son might actually be a girl,

00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:17.000
He got really quiet, and I got really nervous.

00:39:17.000 --> 00:39:20.000
I braced myself for the worst.

00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:27.000
I stammered and nervously asked So, what do you think?

00:39:27.000 --> 00:39:30.000
He got annoyed and pissed,

00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:34.000
But not for the reason I thought.

00:39:34.000 --> 00:39:37.000
He was indeed mad and upset,

00:39:37.000 --> 00:39:40.000
But it was because I worried

00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:42.000
That he would have a problem with our child's identity.

00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:47.000
What you think like I'm not going to love my kid, you think this changes anything?

00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:50.000
So it goes to show, yes,

00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:55.000
It goes to show that even a, I had to write this down because he is a long list. 

00:39:55.000 --> 00:39:59.000
Goes to show that even a truck driving, gun toting, 

00:39:59.000 --> 00:39:64.000
Hunting, fishing, weekend woodchopping, chainsaw wielding redneck

00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:08.000
Can understand and practice unconditional love.

00:40:08.000 --> 00:40:12.000
It's pretty simple and easy to love someone.

00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:15.000
We have one job as parents,

00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:18.000
To unconditionally love our children.

00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:24.000
It's that simple, and when you have a daughter like Ella, it's that easy.

00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:28.000
cheering, applause

00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:32.000
Hi, my name is Ella. When I was born,

00:40:32.000 --> 00:40:34.000
Everyone thought I was a boy.

00:40:34.000 --> 00:40:37.000
But adults aren't always as smart as they think they are.

00:40:37.000 --> 00:40:43.000
laughter

00:40:43.000 --> 00:40:48.000
A few years ago, I was always angry and upset living as a boy, but now I'm a happy girl.

00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:53.000
You're lucky you're meeting me today, not when I was five.

00:40:53.000 --> 00:40:56.000
When I was two and a half, I told my mom I was a girl.

00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:59.000
She listened and told me she loved me no matter who I am.

00:40:59.000 --> 00:40:66.000
She didn't understand one hundred percent, but it really didn't matter because I could be myself most of the time.

00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:10.000
I could wear whatever I wanted and play with whatever toys I wanted.

00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:13.000
I played with dolls and read my favorite

00:41:13.000 --> 00:41:16.000
Fairytale, Sleeping Beauty. I wore my

00:41:16.000 --> 00:41:19.000
I'd wear my older sister's clothes all the time.

00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:25.000
I'd take her PJ bottoms or dish towels and wear them on my head so I could pretend I have long hair.

00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:28.000
I was pretty happy until I started kindergarten.

00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:33.000
Dun, dun dun! laughter

00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:38.000
That's when I found out I was somehow different, being shoved in a box I didn't belong in.

00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:41.000
I was so excited to start kindergarten.

00:41:41.000 --> 00:41:44.000
I'd picked out a new backpack and a lunchbox.

00:41:44.000 --> 00:41:47.000
I couldn't wait to start big kid school.

00:41:47.000 --> 00:41:51.000
I wasn't nervous at all when my mom dropped me off on the first day of school.

00:41:51.000 --> 00:41:57.000
I didn't cling to her at all. I happily waved goodbye and walked into my new classroom.

00:41:57.000 --> 00:41:60.000
When I was in preschool, all my friends played dress up.

00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:05.000
We all played with stuffed animals and dolls. We all used the same bathroom.

00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:08.000
But on the first day of kindergarten,

00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:11.000
I learned that boys get in one line and girls get in the other.

00:42:11.000 --> 00:42:16.000
Boys use this bathroom, and girls use that bathroom. Boy played

00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:20.000
Over here at recess, oh sorry. Boys play over here at recess and girls play over there. 

00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:25.000
I was so confused. Why was everyone putting me in this line when my

00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:28.000
Friends were in that line? Why was everyone, oh yeah.

00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:33.000
Why were kids making fun of my rainbow unicorn lunchbox? 

00:42:33.000 --> 00:42:36.000
I leaned that I was expected to be a boy.

00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:38.000
I was supposed to act a certain way.

00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:44.000
I learned that who I really am and what I wanted to do was not an option in this world.

00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:47.000
My personality changed instantly that day.

00:42:47.000 --> 00:42:51.000
My happy, cheerful, friendly self was crushed.

00:42:51.000 --> 00:42:57.000
I became angry, mean, uncooperative and even violent. I felt like I was a volcano. 

00:42:57.000 --> 00:42:62.000
I was constantly bubbling with anger like hot lava.

00:43:02.000 --> 00:43:07.000
I didn't really know it back then, but my mom was frantically trying to get me help.

00:43:07.000 --> 00:43:10.000
She started to understand who I really am.

00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:15.000
Before I transitioned, I was bullied at school.

00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:21.000
I didn't want to play rough with all the boys, and they didn't want to sit or talk or draw fairies with me.

00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:27.000
Girls didn't want to play with me either because they thought I was boy with cooties. 

00:43:27.000 --> 00:43:29.000
I only had one friend, Amanda.

00:43:29.000 --> 00:43:32.000
She didn't care that I was different.

00:43:32.000 --> 00:43:36.000
We could play on the monkey bars together or play dress up. She became my best friend

00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:41.000
And my only friend.

00:43:41.000 --> 00:43:43.000
I was bullied a lot.

00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:47.000
There was one kid who waited until I was hanging from the monkey bars

00:43:47.000 --> 00:43:50.000
And then pulled down my pants in front of a bunch of other kids.

00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:54.000
They all laughed at me. This wasn't the only time this kid did things like that.

00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:61.000
There's a sad stuff in my story before I transitioned, but I want to get to the good parts.

00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:04.000
In the beginning of second grade, I read the book George

00:44:04.000 --> 00:44:08.000
About a transgender girl who gets the courage to come out.

00:44:08.000 --> 00:44:12.000
It was the first time I'd ever heard the word transgender. I blurted out

00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:14.000
Mama, that's like me!

00:44:14.000 --> 00:44:19.000
A few months later, an adult I knew transitioned to live as herself.

00:44:19.000 --> 00:44:21.000
And I realized that it's not just something in books.

00:44:21.000 --> 00:44:25.000
People really can transition to live as their true self.

00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:29.000
That's when I knew I was going to start living as the girl I really am.

00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:36.000
One day my mom asked me if I wanted to go to Fred Meyer with her and see how it felt to be myself.

00:44:36.000 --> 00:44:42.000
Is Nutella delicious? Of course I said yes! laughter

00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:46.000
I was really nervous people wouldn't believe me, or make fun of me.

00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:50.000
When the cashier said How are you two ladies doing tonight?,

00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.000
I knew that everything was going to be okay.

00:44:54.000 --> 00:44:60.000
A few weeks later on February twenty six, 2016,

00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:06.000
In the middle of second grade, I went to school as Ella.

00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:09.000
I was super excited but also really scared.

00:45:09.000 --> 00:45:12.000
Thankfully, my big sister, Piper, was always by my side.

00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:16.000
My sister is an awesome ally and she's got my back.

00:45:16.000 --> 00:45:20.000
Sure she gives me a hard time sometimes and we argue about who gets to lick

00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:23.000
The last bits of Nutella out of the Nutella jar,

00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:28.000
But she won't let anyone else treat me bad. She promised to look out for me at school.

00:45:28.000 --> 00:45:32.000
I was afraid kids would make fun of me and be mean to me on my first day as myself.

00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:35.000
But everyone was pretty nice.

00:45:35.000 --> 00:45:39.000
In fact, a lot of the kids were actually jealous that I got to pick me own name.

00:45:39.000 --> 00:45:42.000
laughter

00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:46.000
I named myself after Anne Hathaway's movie, Ella Enchanted.

00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:51.000
cheering, applause

00:45:51.000 --> 00:45:55.000
The main character is Ella. Her wacky fairy godmother gave her the

00:45:55.000 --> 00:45:58.000
Gift of obedience.

00:45:58.000 --> 00:45:62.000
But it was actually a curse because she had to do whatever people told her to do.

00:46:02.000 --> 00:46:07.000
Whatever people told her to do. Kids at school made her do embarrassing things

00:46:07.000 --> 00:46:09.000
Because she wouldn't disobey their orders. 

00:46:09.000 --> 00:46:15.000
Her stepmother and stepsisters made her do all the housework.

00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:18.000
Ella was so unhappy with the curse of obedience.

00:46:18.000 --> 00:46:23.000
She tried to find her fairy godmother to beg her to take back the gift.

00:46:23.000 --> 00:46:27.000
But Ella finally realized that she could break the curse with her own will.

00:46:27.000 --> 00:46:31.000
I related to her because the world was forcing me to live as a boy.

00:46:31.000 --> 00:46:37.000
I tried to be obedient, but it never felt right or natural to me.

00:46:37.000 --> 00:46:41.000
And just like Ella did in the movie, I listened to my inner voice

00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:44.000
And broke the curse with my own will.

00:46:44.000 --> 00:46:52.000
cheering, applause.

00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:55.000
I was reintroduced to my class as Ella.

00:46:55.000 --> 00:46:59.000
I was like a new kid at school. I made lots of friends that first week.

00:46:59.000 --> 00:46:64.000
I became so happy and confident that nobody bullied me anymore.

00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:14.000
I have lots of friends now, but I still have my BFF from kindergarten, Amanda.

00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:17.000
There are still some people who don't accept me.

00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:20.000
Their loss. But there are way more.

00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:25.000
laughter

00:47:25.000 --> 00:47:29.000
But there are way more people that love and support me. 

00:47:29.000 --> 00:47:34.000
Now I'm a role model to other trans kids at my school.

00:47:34.000 --> 00:47:38.000
I love talking to younger trans kids.

00:47:38.000 --> 00:47:43.000
I feel like I'm from the future with a message that it's going to be okay.

00:47:43.000 --> 00:47:47.000
Be yourself and life will be good, like Nutella.

00:47:47.000 --> 00:47:56.000
applause, cheering

00:47:56.000 --> 00:47:60.000
So I grew up in a Christian family, Baptist,

00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.000
Conservative. There was a lot of prayer.

00:48:04.000 --> 00:48:08.000
Prayer before bed. Prayer before school.

00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:11.000
Definitely prayer before dinner.

00:48:11.000 --> 00:48:17.000
We also had a lot of family time, family meetings, family gatherings,

00:48:17.000 --> 00:48:19.000
Family dinners,

00:48:19.000 --> 00:48:24.000
Birthdays as a family and holidays as a family.

00:48:24.000 --> 00:48:29.000
I was in college and missed one such holiday

00:48:29.000 --> 00:48:32.000
With my family. It was Thanksgiving,

00:48:32.000 --> 00:48:36.000
Which means I also missed the family prayer that year.

00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:41.000
The tradition for the family prayer was to grab a pinecone in the center of the table

00:48:41.000 --> 00:48:44.000
And then pass around a basket.

00:48:44.000 --> 00:48:50.000
After sharing what you're thankful for, you place the pinecone in the basket and pass it to the next person.

00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:53.000
My dad started.

00:48:53.000 --> 00:48:55.000
Solemnly thanking God

00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:60.000
For the many blessings he had received over the past year.

00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:04.000
Then he placed his pinecone in the basket and passed it to my mom.

00:49:04.000 --> 00:49:07.000
She shared her year's worth of gratitude.

00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:11.000
And the basket was passed to my aunt.

00:49:11.000 --> 00:49:16.000
Slowly the basket is passed through the hands of the entire

00:49:16.000 --> 00:49:20.000
Extended family going from aunt

00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:24.000
To uncle to cousin to aunt

00:49:24.000 --> 00:49:27.000
to uncle to grandma

00:49:27.000 --> 00:49:31.000
Until it came to my sister who is second to last.

00:49:31.000 --> 00:49:35.000
And without missing a beat, she took the basket,

00:49:35.000 --> 00:49:39.000
And holding a pinecone in one hand

00:49:39.000 --> 00:49:43.000
She said with great reverence,

00:49:43.000 --> 00:49:48.000
God, I am so thankful for pussy.

00:49:48.000 --> 00:49:56.000
laughter, applause, cheering

00:49:56.000 --> 00:49:60.000
For the taste of it,

00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.000
For the smell,

00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:11.000
And for the fact that my girlfriend sitting right here with the entire extended family

00:50:11.000 --> 00:50:14.000
Is able to share all of that with us today.

00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:19.000
cheering, applause, laughter

00:50:19.000 --> 00:50:22.000
And she then very delicately placed

00:50:22.000 --> 00:50:26.000
The pinecone in the basket

00:50:26.000 --> 00:50:31.000
And passed it to her girlfriend. 

00:50:31.000 --> 00:50:36.000
And that was my sister's way of coming out. laughter, applause

00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:40.000
applause

00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:44.000
So it's now the day after Thanksgiving.

00:50:44.000 --> 00:50:49.000
I'm sitting in my college dorm at a very small college in Buffalo, New York.

00:50:49.000 --> 00:50:53.000
And my phone is ringing. It's my mom.

00:50:53.000 --> 00:50:57.000
Before even going through the traditional niceties of 

00:50:57.000 --> 00:50:60.000
Hi, how are you doing, how's school?

00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:04.000
She describes the horrific, lewd,

00:51:04.000 --> 00:51:08.000
 Uncivilized, sinful

00:51:08.000 --> 00:51:10.000
Things my sister has said

00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:15.000
At Thanksgiving prayer.

00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:20.000
She wants me to counsel my sister. Find out what's wrong with her, offer some

00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:23.000
Sisterly wisdom. 

00:51:23.000 --> 00:51:28.000
What she didn't know is that I was dating a woman myself.

00:51:28.000 --> 00:51:32.000
laughter

00:51:32.000 --> 00:51:35.000
And in fact the only person my

00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:39.000
Family who knew was my older brother.

00:51:39.000 --> 00:51:42.000
As my mom got off the phone with me,

00:51:42.000 --> 00:51:47.000
That same brother who'd overheard the conversation asked

00:51:47.000 --> 00:51:53.000
What's Chrys going to do about her sister? She's gay.

00:51:53.000 --> 00:51:59.000
That was enough to really rattle my mom, and she decided to recruit my dad

00:51:59.000 --> 00:51:62.000
To drive the hour and a half out to Buffalo

00:52:02.000 --> 00:52:06.000
To sit down with me and find out what was wrong with me.

00:52:08.000 --> 00:52:12.000
Not knowing that my brother had just outed me to my mom,

00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:16.000
When my dad called and asked me to lunch, I readily agreed,

00:52:16.000 --> 00:52:19.000
Looking forward to having time with him.

00:52:19.000 --> 00:52:24.000
So no sooner had we sat down at this restaurant than dad,

00:52:24.000 --> 00:52:29.000
A military vet, who continues to carry himself with the Marine's posture,

00:52:29.000 --> 00:52:32.000
And who's voice barks like a drill sergeant, 

00:52:32.000 --> 00:52:37.000
Looked me straight in the eye and pointedly asked

00:52:37.000 --> 00:52:41.000
Do you like women?

00:52:43.000 --> 00:52:46.000
This question kind of caught me off guard. 

00:52:46.000 --> 00:52:51.000
And my natural defense was to intellectualize the discomfort.

00:52:51.000 --> 00:52:56.000
Knowing that it's much more sensible to appeal to my dad's Christian world view

00:52:56.000 --> 00:52:61.000
To answer a question with a question, just as I'd been taught Jesus would do,

00:53:01.000 --> 00:53:05.000
laughter. I replied, Um,

00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:09.000
Dad, do you like women?

00:53:09.000 --> 00:53:15.000
laughter, applause

00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:18.000
He started shifting in his seat, noticeably 

00:53:18.000 --> 00:53:21.000
Comfortable with this task of

00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:24.000
Asking about his daughter's sexuality,

00:53:24.000 --> 00:53:28.000
And being then asked about his own.

00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:32.000
So with a cough and a guttural squawk,

00:53:32.000 --> 00:53:37.000
He responded. coughs, stammers.

00:53:37.000 --> 00:53:43.000
Of course because that's normal.

00:53:43.000 --> 00:53:49.000
So as my father, 

00:53:49.000 --> 00:53:52.000
And you are my role model,

00:53:52.000 --> 00:53:54.000
Looking up to you

00:53:54.000 --> 00:53:58.000
And modeling your behavior

00:54:07.000 --> 00:54:13.000
That's normal, right?

00:54:13.000 --> 00:54:17.000
So psychologically speaking,

00:54:17.000 --> 00:54:23.000
The fact that both of us are interested in women

00:54:23.000 --> 00:54:30.000
Completely normal. laughter

00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:32.000
With the perplexed expression on his face, I could

00:54:32.000 --> 00:54:37.000
See the wheels were turning, and he was trying to articulate a strong rebuttal.

00:54:37.000 --> 00:54:40.000
Coming up with nothing, he just kind of shrugged,

00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:43.000
Shaking his head and said

00:54:43.000 --> 00:54:47.000
I just, I just don't get it.

00:54:47.000 --> 00:54:51.000
It's, it's not normal.

00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:56.000
And then like a lightbulb went off, he said Okay, alright, alright

00:54:56.000 --> 00:54:60.000
How about this. Why don't

00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.000
You and I, we just won't talk for a while,

00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:10.000
And then like when I understand it, when I understand you,

00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:12.000
I'll reach out,

00:55:12.000 --> 00:55:17.000
But until then, let's not be in contact.

00:55:23.000 --> 00:55:28.000
So I said Dad, I love you,

00:55:28.000 --> 00:55:32.000
And I'll respect your process.

00:55:32.000 --> 00:55:36.000
To me, it's kind of analogous to 

00:55:36.000 --> 00:55:41.000
Picking up a law book, opening the pages,

00:55:41.000 --> 00:55:46.000
Realizing it's far too difficult to understand the first read through,

00:55:46.000 --> 00:55:48.000
Placing it on a shelf

00:55:48.000 --> 00:55:52.000
And rationalizing that with time

00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:58.000
And distance, you'll better understand it.

00:55:58.000 --> 00:55:60.000
If it were me, 

00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:04.000
I would spend even more time with that book.

00:56:04.000 --> 00:56:08.000
I'd carry it around, talk to others who have read it

00:56:08.000 --> 00:56:12.000
Even get in touch with the author

00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:16.000
And with time, I'd grow to understand what the book contained.

00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:19.000
I might not agree with it,

00:56:19.000 --> 00:56:27.000
But at least I'd understand and love it.

00:56:27.000 --> 00:56:30.000
We left that restaurant that day with a simple hug.

00:56:30.000 --> 00:56:34.000
And it took him and my mom a few months to give me a call.

00:56:34.000 --> 00:56:40.000
However, I have to believe that it was my intellectual explanation 

00:56:40.000 --> 00:56:44.000
Rather than my sister's lurid details,

00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:49.000
Family time and yes, probably even a few prayers 

00:56:49.000 --> 00:56:53.000
That influenced my parents into becoming avid advocates,

00:56:53.000 --> 00:56:57.000
Eventually even of marriage equality.

00:56:57.000 --> 00:56:62.000
In fact, it was only fourteen years later that both my mom and my dad

00:57:02.000 --> 00:57:07.000
Walked me down the aisle on my wedding day

00:57:07.000 --> 00:57:10.000
when I married my wife.

00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:16.000
applause, cheering

00:57:16.000 --> 00:57:19.000
And she's the book that I wanted to study

00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:24.000
And learn form for the rest of my life.

00:57:24.000 --> 00:57:29.000
applause, cheering

00:57:29.000 --> 00:57:31.000
I've been coming out since I was fourteen.

00:57:31.000 --> 00:57:35.000
I was bi and then I was genderfluid but still bi.

00:57:35.000 --> 00:57:38.000
And then I was having more and more boy days

00:57:38.000 --> 00:57:43.000
So I was a demiboy and then I had an epiphany and suddenly I was trans.

00:57:43.000 --> 00:57:47.000
But that's not what this is about. I am going to give you a highlight reel

00:57:47.000 --> 00:57:52.000
Of some of my most memorable trans moments.

00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:55.000
As a queer trans man, these happen to me all the time.

00:57:55.000 --> 00:57:60.000
Sometimes they're funny, sometimes uncomfortable and sometimes downright sad.

00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:04.000
But this is highlights of the trans experience from the point of view from a twenty year old twink.

00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:09.000
laughter 

00:58:09.000 --> 00:58:11.000
We all know who Caitlyn Jenner is by now.

00:58:11.000 --> 00:58:16.000
When she was entering the public eye, I had been out for somewhere between nine months and a year.

00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:20.000
I went to a high school with pretty good sex ed, even queer inclusive,

00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:24.000
Awkward as it may have been. My teacher

00:58:24.000 --> 00:58:28.000
Mr. Hume, explained that there are three sexual orientations,

00:58:28.000 --> 00:58:32.000
Gay, straight and bi, and that your

00:58:32.000 --> 00:58:35.000
Sexual orientation is based on your chromosomes. 

00:58:35.000 --> 00:58:38.000
chatter

00:58:38.000 --> 00:58:41.000
With Caitlyn Jenner being exclusively attracted to women, 

00:58:41.000 --> 00:58:45.000
Logically one could assume that she's a lesbian.

00:58:45.000 --> 00:58:51.000
Mr. Hume, however, said that she's straight because her chromosomes are XY.

00:58:51.000 --> 00:58:56.000
In that same class, we did a unit on healthy relationships.

00:58:56.000 --> 00:58:60.000
One day the class split up by gender to talk about what they look for 

00:59:00.000 --> 00:59:02.000
In the opposite sex. 

00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:07.000
Now we don't have time to unpack all of that, so. laughter

00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:11.000
laughter

00:59:11.000 --> 00:59:16.000
So too long, didn't read, teenage boys hate body hair and real women, girls want the bare

00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:22.000
Minimum and I was too mortified to care.

00:59:22.000 --> 00:59:30.000
Coming out to my maternal grandparents was really difficult. They're Seventh Day Adventists and staunch Republicans.

00:59:30.000 --> 00:59:34.000
I did it at the beginning of my senior year, about two months after I started Testosterone. 

00:59:34.000 --> 00:59:37.000
I figured I should probably come out to my family before

00:59:37.000 --> 00:59:41.000
They watched me change a bunch.

00:59:41.000 --> 00:59:45.000
My grandparents on both sides were very involved in my life from an early age.

00:59:45.000 --> 00:59:50.000
And they were at least as integral to my development as a human being as nineties alternative and hip hop music was.

00:59:50.000 --> 00:59:54.000
My grandma thought I was doing it because of my childhood trauma

00:59:54.000 --> 00:59:58.000
But I'd rather she accept it for the wrong reasons than not accept it at all.

00:59:58.000 --> 00:59:61.000
My grandpa on the other hand said that I was never meant 

01:00:01.000 --> 01:00:07.000
To be a boy and that any doctor that would prescribe be testosterone was practicing child abuse.

01:00:07.000 --> 01:00:12.000
That one stung and it probably always will.

01:00:12.000 --> 01:00:17.000
I also have a lot of anxiety about dating. With Tinder, Grindr, Bumble

01:00:17.000 --> 01:00:22.000
I have to be so careful and make sure that every date I go on, every guy I hook up with isn't going to

01:00:22.000 --> 01:00:27.000
Literally murder me when they find out I was born female.

01:00:27.000 --> 01:00:30.000
I don't even put it on my dating profiles other than Tinder but let's 

01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:33.000
Be real. That's not really a dating site.

01:00:33.000 --> 01:00:36.000
I just usually prefer to address it on my own terms

01:00:36.000 --> 01:00:40.000
Individually and not have it be the first thing people know about me.

01:00:40.000 --> 01:00:45.000
Most people have actually been pretty cool about it even those who aren't necessarily the most educated on the topic.

01:00:45.000 --> 01:00:50.000
But I've had my fair share of weird, creepy and offensive messages as well.

01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:53.000
Fair warning some of these are a little

01:00:53.000 --> 01:00:57.000
Less than family friendly.

01:00:57.000 --> 01:00:61.000
Some of the more memorable opening lines I've gotten include

01:01:01.000 --> 01:01:05.000
What do you think about straight guys who think you're hot?

01:01:05.000 --> 01:01:09.000
I don't, I don't know!

01:01:09.000 --> 01:01:12.000
I'm old enough to be your dad LOL, but I

01:01:12.000 --> 01:01:16.000
Promise if you're naughty I won't ground you. I'll buy you a new bicycle.

01:01:16.000 --> 01:01:21.000
laughter, chatter

01:01:21.000 --> 01:01:27.000
Would love to see a picture of your fresh a..!

01:01:27.000 --> 01:01:30.000
I'm sure you would. laughter

01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:33.000
And one of my personal favorites, 

01:01:33.000 --> 01:01:36.000
Literal boy pussy. I like it! LOL.

01:01:36.000 --> 01:01:41.000
To which I responded, Kindly f... off. 

01:01:41.000 --> 01:01:47.000
Something else I think that's really important to address is the things no one tells you about taking hormones.

01:01:47.000 --> 01:01:50.000
Sure yeah, facial hair, deep voice, hair legs, whatever,

01:01:50.000 --> 01:01:55.000
But no one tells you that your butt is going to get so hairy.

01:01:55.000 --> 01:01:58.000
And you sweat so much!

01:01:58.000 --> 01:01:62.000
And you won't have four hundred emotions bouncing around your head at once, probably due in part to the fact

01:02:02.000 --> 01:02:05.000
That most of your negative emotions convert to anger.

01:02:05.000 --> 01:02:11.000
And once you've been on hormones long enough, your body will be entirely masculine except for

01:02:11.000 --> 01:02:16.000
Well the things on your chest and the lack of things between your legs,

01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:20.000
Which puts you in a really weird place when you look at your body.

01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:24.000
But on the other hand, no one told me I was going to size up in shirts because my

01:02:24.000 --> 01:02:28.000
Because my shoulders were going to get so broad or that everything down to the 

01:02:28.000 --> 01:02:31.000
Muscle structure in my legs would be masculine,

01:02:31.000 --> 01:02:37.000
Or that I was going to get a killer jaw line and prominent Adam's apple out of the deal.

01:02:37.000 --> 01:02:41.000
This is what trans looks like.

01:02:41.000 --> 01:02:48.000
Thank you. applause, cheering

01:02:48.000 --> 01:02:52.000
All right. Take a look at my picture! This was a while back. 

01:02:52.000 --> 01:02:56.000
Enjoy! Because you will not see that again. 

01:02:56.000 --> 01:02:60.000
Ok lets get started. For those of you that know me, 

01:03:00.000 --> 01:03:04.000
You know I am a sociable person.

01:03:04.000 --> 01:03:08.000
And you may also know, that when it comes to personal matters, I am very 

01:03:08.000 --> 01:03:12.000
private. I have always been this way. 

01:03:12.000 --> 01:03:16.000
Growing up, my mom was my best friend, my confidant. 

01:03:16.000 --> 01:03:20.000
The one person I could tell everything and anything to. 

01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:24.000
Knowing very well, that her advice would be rational, 

01:03:24.000 --> 01:03:28.000
And unprejudiced. I remember being in fourth grade, 

01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:32.000
Nine years old. A tomboy. 

01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:36.000
Or in other words playing with boys, not caring about my appearance 

01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:40.000
And telling my mom innocently one day after school. 

01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:44.000
Speaking spanish

01:03:44.000 --> 01:03:48.000
Speaking Spanish 

01:03:48.000 --> 01:03:52.000
Ma, I think Adrianna is so pretty. 

01:03:52.000 --> 01:03:56.000
I really like her eyes. Maybe one day I will marry her. 

01:03:56.000 --> 01:03:60.000
To end be told

01:04:00.000 --> 01:04:04.000
Speaking Spanish 

01:04:04.000 --> 01:04:08.000
Speaking Spanish 

01:04:08.000 --> 01:04:12.000
Speaking Spanish 

01:04:12.000 --> 01:04:16.000
It is ok to admire other women beauty. 

01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:21.000
But girls marry boys. Not other girls. 

01:04:21.000 --> 01:04:24.000
Flash forward to sophomore year of high school. 

01:04:24.000 --> 01:04:28.000
Eyeliner. Mascara. Form Fitting clothes. 

01:04:28.000 --> 01:04:32.000
Girly. Conforming. 

01:04:32.000 --> 01:04:36.000
And unhappy with myself. I stumbled upon a cute 

01:04:36.000 --> 01:04:40.000
Romance book about two girls falling in love, 

01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:44.000
At the school library. Reading it was like lighting a fire 

01:04:44.000 --> 01:04:48.000
Within me, whispering to me. You are gay!

01:04:48.000 --> 01:04:52.000
And its ok!

01:04:52.000 --> 01:04:56.000
I am home, 

01:04:56.000 --> 01:04:60.000
Sitting at my desk reading this book nonstop, 

01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.000
Until I am finally able to peel my eyes off of it, so I toss it 

01:05:04.000 --> 01:05:08.000
On my futon. Out of sight, out of mind. 

01:05:08.000 --> 01:05:12.000
Maybe now I will be able to focus on my homework. 

01:05:12.000 --> 01:05:16.000
In walks my mom, without knocking per usual. 

01:05:16.000 --> 01:05:20.000
Asks me if I want to eat, and sits comfortably 

01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:24.000
To chat. I was just able to start focusing on 

01:05:24.000 --> 01:05:28.000
My homework. - speaking Spanish - 

01:05:28.000 --> 01:05:32.000
Gossip time it is! I'm not complaining though. Who am I kidding. 

01:05:32.000 --> 01:05:36.000
I love it. We talk for a 

01:05:36.000 --> 01:05:40.000
Bit, and then she curiously picks up the book, asking me what its about. 

01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:46.000
Amor, I say. Love. 

01:05:46.000 --> 01:05:51.000
Spanish 

01:05:51.000 --> 01:05:54.000
Spanish 

01:05:54.000 --> 01:05:58.000
What is this? This is obscene. Discusting. 

01:05:58.000 --> 01:05:60.000
This is not what love is!

01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:04.000
This is a sin. Shocked, 

01:06:04.000 --> 01:06:08.000
I stay quiet, and reply in Spanish. 

01:06:08.000 --> 01:06:12.000
Spanish 

01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:16.000
I don't know, I thought it was love. 

01:06:16.000 --> 01:06:20.000
I promise its only puppy love. Pain

01:06:20.000 --> 01:06:24.000
Shame. Confusion. Conflicting 

01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:28.000
Thoughts between what is right, and what is wrong. 

01:06:28.000 --> 01:06:32.000
What I feel, and what I should feel. 

01:06:32.000 --> 01:06:36.000
In that moment, everything changed.

01:06:36.000 --> 01:06:40.000
My mom, my best friend, my confidant, 

01:06:40.000 --> 01:06:44.000
Was now a distant person. Far out of reach. 

01:06:44.000 --> 01:06:47.000
The one person I could tell everything to, 

01:06:47.000 --> 01:06:50.000
And be authentically myself with, 

01:06:50.000 --> 01:06:54.000
Became the person I had to pretend around 

01:06:54.000 --> 01:06:59.000
We were sitting on the bench after our junior class field trip visiting the aquarium, 

01:06:59.000 --> 01:06:64.000
Its been a busy day and we are all making jokes, having fun. 

01:07:04.000 --> 01:07:08.000
I pull out a Twinkie, Twinkies. 

01:07:08.000 --> 01:07:12.000
I start eating it, and creme gets on the outside of my lips. 

01:07:12.000 --> 01:07:16.000
You pointed it out, moved towards me, and say you'd remove it for me. 

01:07:16.000 --> 01:07:20.000
Before I can think, you are kissing me. 

01:07:20.000 --> 01:07:24.000
But in this moment I knew I was definitely 

01:07:24.000 --> 01:07:28.000
Most definitely, not 

01:07:28.000 --> 01:07:32.000
Straight. It only lasted 

01:07:32.000 --> 01:07:36.000
As that kiss lasted, but the ripple affect that it had, 

01:07:36.000 --> 01:07:40.000
Was one to last a lifetime. And also one, 

01:07:40.000 --> 01:07:44.000
I couldn't share with my mom. Five years later, 

01:07:44.000 --> 01:07:48.000
I am 23, and my straight 

01:07:48.000 --> 01:07:52.000
Cisfemale best friend joins 

01:07:52.000 --> 01:07:56.000
Night of Culture. A latin event at UCLA with the 

01:07:56.000 --> 01:07:60.000
Variety of performances including several student written, and directed plays. 

01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:04.000
Different directors and coordinators asked her to join plays. And despite 

01:08:04.000 --> 01:08:08.000
Having the choice in participating in whatever interests her, 

01:08:08.000 --> 01:08:12.000
She chooses to participate in an LGBTQ 

01:08:12.000 --> 01:08:16.000
Inclusive play. Playing a lesbian. 

01:08:16.000 --> 01:08:20.000
She lets me know of her choice, and lets me know that 

01:08:20.000 --> 01:08:24.000
This is her way of showing everyone, her family, her friends, 

01:08:24.000 --> 01:08:28.000
And most importantly me that she supports 

01:08:28.000 --> 01:08:32.000
And loves me. When I mentioned it to my mom 

01:08:32.000 --> 01:08:36.000
She prohibits me from going. It becomes an intense discussion of me mostly trying 

01:08:36.000 --> 01:08:40.000
To make her understand that my sexual identity, my sexual orientation

01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:44.000
Is not my choice, that I had to many years of oppressing it, 

01:08:44.000 --> 01:08:48.000
And that I wish that she was more accepting. We both cry. 

01:08:48.000 --> 01:08:52.000
I cry out of frustration, and she cries, 

01:08:52.000 --> 01:08:56.000
Mourning for my soul. My brother without question 

01:08:56.000 --> 01:08:60.000
Accompanied me to the performance, having a brother and a 

01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:04.000
Best friend, with close friends and family that fully support me, 

01:09:04.000 --> 01:09:08.000
In every stage and who I am able to confide in, 

01:09:08.000 --> 01:09:12.000
Is what kept me grounded and strong. I wish I could say that my mom 

01:09:12.000 --> 01:09:16.000
Has since accepted me for who I am. That I am able to confide in her 

01:09:16.000 --> 01:09:20.000
About the latest girl drama, comfort her for relationship drama 

01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:24.000
Advice, or tell her how happy I am with my current partner. 

01:09:24.000 --> 01:09:28.000
But I can't. I understand her point of view, 

01:09:28.000 --> 01:09:32.000
Being a Mexican catholic woman. I know she loves me, 

01:09:32.000 --> 01:09:36.000
And that as long as it is not discussed, we still 

01:09:36.000 --> 01:09:40.000
Have a solid relationship. The hardest part 

01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:44.000
Of looking the way I do, and dating the way I do, 

01:09:44.000 --> 01:09:48.000
is not the hateful and judgmental looks I get on the street, on a 

01:09:48.000 --> 01:09:52.000
Everyday basis. Or in the restrooms. Or the horrible messages 

01:09:52.000 --> 01:09:56.000
Of condemnation that I receive, but the wedge 

01:09:56.000 --> 01:09:60.000
That has been created between my mom and I. I have 

01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.000
Yet to give up hope that our relationship will get back to where it was. 

01:10:04.000 --> 01:10:08.000
But until then, I am thankful for having a mom. 

01:10:08.000 --> 01:10:12.000
Me mama. Thank you. 

01:10:12.000 --> 01:10:18.000
Applause 

01:10:18.000 --> 01:10:21.000
In the past I told my mom everything. 

01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:24.000
But I never shared with her, that I am not as straight 

01:10:24.000 --> 01:10:26.000
As my sexual history implies. 

01:10:26.000 --> 01:10:32.000
For a long time, I have identified as game. As in, I am game. 

01:10:32.000 --> 01:10:36.000
As in, if all parties are consenting 

01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:40.000
And if I'm into it, then why the hell not. 

01:10:40.000 --> 01:10:44.000
But the only problem was, I had never gone past kissing with anyone who was

01:10:44.000 --> 01:10:48.000
Not a straight cisgender man. So, I didn't know 

01:10:48.000 --> 01:10:52.000
Exactly how game I was. 

01:10:52.000 --> 01:10:56.000
I worked to be a good ally, and had out friends 

01:10:56.000 --> 01:10:60.000
In high school. But I have never felt actively out 

01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:04.000
Myself. I knew I pursued whole heartedly a relationship with someone 

01:11:04.000 --> 01:11:08.000
Who wasn't a straight cisgender man. And honestly 

01:11:08.000 --> 01:11:12.000
Folks who aren't straight cisgender men just don't seem that into me? 

01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:16.000
So, hm, never happened. And I have never gotten 

01:11:16.000 --> 01:11:20.000
Any real experiences to really nail home these experiences I have been having since 

01:11:20.000 --> 01:11:24.000
Puberty, so I continued to identify as just 

01:11:24.000 --> 01:11:28.000
game. Because I didn't feel like any label truly fit my experience or 

01:11:28.000 --> 01:11:32.000
Who I was. A couple years ago at summer camp, I was a camp counselor, 

01:11:32.000 --> 01:11:36.000
And I would say a solid 60% of the camp staff were out. 

01:11:36.000 --> 01:11:40.000
And everyone else were allies, I hope, probably. 

01:11:40.000 --> 01:11:45.000
I didn't feel comfortable labeling myself as something other than game, 

01:11:45.000 --> 01:11:49.000
And at one point received some backlash for doing so. 

01:11:49.000 --> 01:11:53.000
A friend of mine, well at the time, who was toxic, 

01:11:53.000 --> 01:11:56.000
Also identified as gay, and at one point when I was 

01:11:56.000 --> 01:11:60.000
Describing my willing orientation, 

01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:05.000
Said but she has only ever sept with straight cisgender men. 

01:12:05.000 --> 01:12:09.000
Totally invalidating my experience and feelings.

01:12:09.000 --> 01:12:14.000
And it really made it clear to me I wasn't exactly sure what identities I had. 

01:12:14.000 --> 01:12:19.000
I stopped sharing with people that I was game, and I got on tinder. 

01:12:19.000 --> 01:12:23.000
Ladies, where not interested in me. 

01:12:23.000 --> 01:12:26.000
But thats ok, because, within a couple days of the app, 

01:12:26.000 --> 01:12:31.000
I met my current boyfriend, who is the most wonderful and kindest 

01:12:31.000 --> 01:12:34.000
Straight cisgender man I have ever met. 

01:12:34.000 --> 01:12:38.000
I am like so in love that sometimes I cry just thinking about it. 

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Like its hardcore. 

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And in this past year and a half, thats how long we have been dating, and in Oregon, 

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I have come to realize,, Geez Luis! 

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Im questioning ! 

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And basically have been this whole time! 

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But, if I continue to date my wonderful boyfriend, 

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And if we do continue for the long run, 

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Will I always be stuck questioning? Will I never know if I am 

01:13:08.000 --> 01:13:12.000
Bisexual, pan sexual, or just game? 

01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:16.000
Will I only ever figure it out if I end up single in my middle age 

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And start dating someone who isn't a straight cisgender man? Its a lot 

01:13:20.000 --> 01:13:24.000
To think about. But back to my mom. 

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I have recently been thinking about telling her. I have told some friends, 

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My boyfriend knows, but a lot of people still don't. 

01:13:32.000 --> 01:13:36.000
And I don't feel like it is all that important for me to tell everyone? 

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Just cause it doesn't feel super concrete to me. My mom 

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Though, I am pretty sure she would be pretty cool with it. And she 

01:13:44.000 --> 01:13:48.000
Now that I know, one time she told me a story which 

01:13:48.000 --> 01:13:52.000
She had this conversation she had with my sister where 

01:13:52.000 --> 01:13:56.000
My mom sat my sister down and was like, Audrey, 

01:13:56.000 --> 01:13:60.000
I love you no matter what. Whether you were gay or 

01:14:00.000 --> 01:14:04.000
And my sister interrupting, mom I'm not gay I am with Joel, her current fiancee, 

01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:08.000
Who is a straight cisgender man, and my mom said 

01:14:08.000 --> 01:14:12.000
I know, but if you were gay, and Audrey said, 

01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:16.000
But I am not gay, she knows herself its pretty 

01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:20.000
cool. And my mom 

01:14:20.000 --> 01:14:24.000
Backtracked a bit and said, ok if Hannah was gay, 

01:14:24.000 --> 01:14:28.000
And Audrey said of course yeah we would both still love her no matter what! 

01:14:28.000 --> 01:14:32.000
Laughter 

01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:36.000
And my mom told me this and I really quick kinda shrugged it off like 

01:14:36.000 --> 01:14:40.000
Sure, ha, ok, not really sure what she meant 

01:14:40.000 --> 01:14:44.000
And it was really weird and random, so, she might know! 

01:14:44.000 --> 01:14:48.000
And I almost did tell her, recently actually. I heard about this event, 

01:14:48.000 --> 01:14:52.000
And I was speaking, and I immediately texted my mom saying I had big news. 

01:14:52.000 --> 01:14:56.000
We set up a time to talk, my mom lives on the east coast, 

01:14:56.000 --> 01:14:60.000
And I realized telling her about this, would mean that I have to come out. 

01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.000
She even asked me, so what's your big news?

01:15:04.000 --> 01:15:08.000
And I chickened out. So now I am wondering, if 

01:15:08.000 --> 01:15:12.000
Nw would be a really good time, or if I even should tell her? 

01:15:12.000 --> 01:15:16.000
Just because if I ended up dating someone who wasn't a cisgender man, 

01:15:16.000 --> 01:15:20.000
I may never know either. 

01:15:20.000 --> 01:15:25.000
Applause 

01:15:25.000 --> 01:15:28.000
Family has always been incredibly important to me, 

01:15:28.000 --> 01:15:32.000
I grew up with two girls, Callie and Joyce, who 

01:15:32.000 --> 01:15:35.000
While not blood related to me, I considered sisters, 

01:15:35.000 --> 01:15:40.000
Whose parents are named Dana and Trudy, who are more in love than 

01:15:40.000 --> 01:15:44.000
I have ever seen. When I was young, I asked my mom 

01:15:44.000 --> 01:15:48.000
Where are Callie and Joyces dad? 

01:15:48.000 --> 01:15:52.000
And my mom, Betty, said they have two moms. Who love them as much as 

01:15:52.000 --> 01:15:56.000
Any other parent, they do not need a dad, because they have them. 

01:15:56.000 --> 01:15:60.000
It doesn't matter if its two dads, or two moms, or somewhere in between, 

01:16:00.000 --> 01:16:04.000
Cause love is love and it comes from all of us. 

01:16:04.000 --> 01:16:08.000
This was something that I took with me into 

01:16:08.000 --> 01:16:12.000
Life, and I applied too many things. Especially when my parents got divorced.

01:16:12.000 --> 01:16:16.000
I was 16, and it was very hard. But I knew that even though my parents 

01:16:16.000 --> 01:16:20.000
Were no longer married, I knew they would still love me, and my brothers 

01:16:20.000 --> 01:16:24.000
The same they always had. II reminded my mother of this, when she came out 

01:16:24.000 --> 01:16:28.000
To me, as lesbian. Now please know I have my moms permission 

01:16:28.000 --> 01:16:32.000
To tell this story. After she told me this I reminded her 

01:16:32.000 --> 01:16:36.000
That no matter who she was or who she loved, I would still 

01:16:36.000 --> 01:16:40.000
She would always still be my mom and I would love her no matter what. She then revealed 

01:16:40.000 --> 01:16:44.000
To me that she was incredibly scared to tell my father, Scott. 

01:16:44.000 --> 01:16:48.000
For fear of judgement and just straight up anger. I assured her 

01:16:48.000 --> 01:16:52.000
That my dad would support her no matter what, and when she told him he simply asked 

01:16:52.000 --> 01:16:56.000
Are you happy? When she replied yes, he said, thats all I want 

01:16:56.000 --> 01:16:60.000
For you. My mothers honesty with me, drove me to be honest with my family. 

01:17:00.000 --> 01:17:04.000
Yet I still had so much fear. And for a long time I considered 

01:17:04.000 --> 01:17:08.000
Just living my life as a straight man. Of course I knew my parents 

01:17:08.000 --> 01:17:12.000
Would accept me, and love me but I don't think I really 

01:17:12.000 --> 01:17:16.000
Accepted myself. I thought, there was plenty of time 

01:17:16.000 --> 01:17:20.000
To tell my family who I am, and I have my whole life ahead of me, but 

01:17:20.000 --> 01:17:24.000
When I was 17, I was forced to look at my life differently. On October 4th, 

01:17:28.000 --> 01:17:32.000
A cancer of the bone marrow. 

01:17:32.000 --> 01:17:36.000
   

01:17:36.000 --> 01:17:40.000
At this point, I was forced to face my own mortality. This above all was what pushed me 

01:17:40.000 --> 01:17:44.000
To start living my life as if it could be my last day. 

01:17:44.000 --> 01:17:48.000
And I had to start by being honest to my family. A few months after 

01:17:48.000 --> 01:17:52.000
My diagnosis, I was eating dinner with my father, when I turned to him and said 

01:17:52.000 --> 01:17:56.000
Dad, I have realized I am bisexual. And, in Scott like fashion, 

01:17:56.000 --> 01:17:60.000
He simply asked, Max, are you happy you told me this. When I replied yes, he simply said good

01:18:00.000 --> 01:18:04.000
want some more steak? While anticlimactic, 

01:18:04.000 --> 01:18:08.000
That was probably the best response I could have asked for. 

01:18:08.000 --> 01:18:12.000
Yeah I know its really good. Probably the best response I could have asked for. 

01:18:12.000 --> 01:18:16.000
And when I told my mom, she simply said, 

01:18:16.000 --> 01:18:20.000
You are still my son and I love you no matter what. All in all, 

01:18:20.000 --> 01:18:24.000
I had basically the best coming out experience I could have asked for. 

01:18:24.000 --> 01:18:28.000
And I am so lucky to have such a loving family, but I want 

01:18:28.000 --> 01:18:32.000
To quickly take a moment to say my story is unique, and its privileged. 

01:18:32.000 --> 01:18:36.000
I strive to be part of a generation that makes it where people can be 

01:18:36.000 --> 01:18:40.000
Who they are and love who they wish, and not be judged for it. 

01:18:40.000 --> 01:18:44.000
For as the grad Captain Holt of the 99 once said, every time 

01:18:44.000 --> 01:18:48.000
Someone steps up and says who they truly are, the world becomes a better, and more 

01:18:48.000 --> 01:18:52.000
Truly interesting place. Now, for my last piece of business. While I 

01:18:52.000 --> 01:18:56.000
Have family who knows who I am, no everybody does. So I am here to 

01:18:56.000 --> 01:18:61.000
Say my name is Max, I am an Aquarius, a cancer survivor, and I am bisexual. 

01:19:01.000 --> 01:19:04.000
Applause 

01:19:04.000 --> 01:19:09.000
Applause 

01:19:09.000 --> 01:19:12.000
So we have reached the end of our evening, 

01:19:12.000 --> 01:19:16.000
And just some closing remarks. The stories you have heard tonight, 

01:19:16.000 --> 01:19:20.000
Are ultimately about braving the wilderness of authenticity. 

01:19:20.000 --> 01:19:24.000
Being yourself and loving yourself and owning your story, 

01:19:24.000 --> 01:19:28.000
Even when its vulnerable or uncertain of the outcome, 

01:19:28.000 --> 01:19:32.000
Or social consequence. But hopefully these stories bring us closer, 

01:19:32.000 --> 01:19:36.000
Closer to truly seeing one another. It is all about 

01:19:36.000 --> 01:19:40.000
What joy eloquently stated, that we can  

01:19:40.000 --> 01:19:44.000
Care very much about you, your identity, and your happiness 

01:19:44.000 --> 01:19:48.000
We love you, for you. Whoever you 

01:19:48.000 --> 01:19:52.000
Are, no matter what. And our love for you 

01:19:52.000 --> 01:19:56.000
Is unconditional. I love you all for coming 

01:19:56.000 --> 01:19:60.000
Tonight, and thank you so much for giving to the safety 

01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.000
Zone, and again every donation that you made during 

01:20:04.000 --> 01:20:08.000
Intermission, and even I will even extend on their behalf, I am sure they mean this, 

01:20:08.000 --> 01:20:12.000
To the end of the show, to the Safe Zone, will be matched 

01:20:12.000 --> 01:20:16.000
So please don't leave with money in your pockets. 

01:20:16.000 --> 01:20:20.000
Cause it is going to be matched. And then, 

01:20:20.000 --> 01:20:24.000
Also if you haven't had a chance please write on that board, 

01:20:24.000 --> 01:20:28.000
On the table by the door what your thoughts are on this 

01:20:28.000 --> 01:20:32.000
Event. I want a moment to also thank our 

01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:36.000
Interpreters tonight, this is a very western built production, 

01:20:36.000 --> 01:20:40.000
And I want to thank Audrey Mariez 

01:20:40.000 --> 01:20:44.000
And Colleen. Both are western alumni, 

01:20:44.000 --> 01:20:48.000
And staff and faculty here at the University. 

01:20:48.000 --> 01:20:52.000
And I as I don't know where he is, oh there he is in the back of the room my platonic 

01:20:52.000 --> 01:20:56.000
Life partner Ted deChatelet, I love this man 

01:20:56.000 --> 01:20:60.000
So much, and leave with these 

01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:04.000
Stories in your hearts and in your minds, and the story of Ella, and the story of 

01:21:04.000 --> 01:21:08.000
Joy, and you all deserve Joy, both in a parent 

01:21:08.000 --> 01:21:12.000
And in your heart, and if you don't have that in your family of origin 

01:21:12.000 --> 01:21:16.000
You have that in this room. And know that there are 

01:21:16.000 --> 01:21:20.000
Confidential confidents with Abbys house and others that want to lift you up, 

01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:24.000
And we want that for western. For today and for ten years 

01:21:24.000 --> 01:21:28.000
From now. Or seven or eight years when Ella gets here. 

01:21:28.000 --> 01:21:32.000
At this time I would like to invite all of our storytellers up for 

01:21:32.000 --> 01:21:36.000
One final bow and they are allowing you to take pictures of their 

01:21:36.000 --> 01:21:40.000
Beautiful faces. This is the cast of the 2019 

01:21:40.000 --> 01:21:44.000
Coming Out Monologues at Western. 

01:21:44.000 --> 01:21:48.000
Applause 

01:21:48.000 --> 01:21:52.000
Applause 

01:21:52.000 --> 01:21:56.000
Applause 

01:21:56.000 --> 01:21:58.000
Applause