WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:12.000 Music. 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:14.000 Music. 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:20.000 So to start it off, David Coleman is known world wide as the Dating Doctor. 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:29.000 He's been honored 13 times as the national speaker of the year, 10 times by Campus Activities Magazine and 3 times by the National Association for Campus Activities. 00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:34.000 And was honored as the 2011 National Entertainer of the Year. 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:40.000 Cheering and applause. 00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:49.000 David received his BS in speech pathology and audiology and his Master of Arts in College Student Personnel from Bowling Green State University. 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:60.000 His book, Making Relationships Matter has completed second printing run and his previous works, Date Smart and 101 Great Dates are well respected and continue to impact lives worldwide. 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:04.000 David has been featured, yeah give it up 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:09.000 Cheering and applause. 00:01:09.000 --> 00:01:21.000 David has been featured in such fine publications as US magazine, Glamour, Celebrity Living, Mademoiselle, Women's World, Cosmopolitan, USA Today, 00:01:21.000 --> 00:01:26.000 The Wall street Journal, The Washington Post and The New York Times. 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:35.000 He's been featured on CNN as well as all major television networks and on hundreds of radio stations nation wide. 00:01:35.000 --> 00:01:43.000 Yeah, David received a national service citation for President George Bush and has served as a spokesperson for Microsoft Streets 00:01:43.000 --> 00:01:49.000 and Trips campaign, Avid Labs Humria Campaign, English Leather cologne and Coca Cola's fused black and green tea. 00:01:49.000 --> 00:01:53.000 So without further adieu give it up for David Coleman. 00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:58.000 Cheering and applause. 00:01:58.000 --> 00:01:66.000 That was very very gracious. There are two things on my website, one is pre show intro and one is more of bio that was my bio 00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:10.000 So those of you who just felt like you just had a birthday, I'm so sorry. 00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:16.000 But understand something, the fear of public speaking is higher than the fear of death in people's list of phobias 00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:21.000 So more people would rather be dead in the coffin than delivering the eulogy at that funeral 00:02:21.000 --> 00:02:26.000 And these two just did a fabulous job of introducing me so would you give them a huge round of applause. 00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:31.000 Cheering and applause. 00:02:31.000 --> 00:02:40.000 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my favorite night of the year. This is my single favorite night of the year, I do 200 shows a year 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:47.000 There's nothing like the flights to Oregon, there's nothing like driving from Portland or Eugene, today it was Portland 00:02:47.000 --> 00:02:53.000 There's nothing like driving to Seattle tonight after my show is over to catch my 5am flight and I would do it all over again because 00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:56.000 coming to Western is like coming home. 00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:60.000 So thank you for having me back. 00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:06.000 Honest truth. Let me find out who's here, how many of you are seeing me for the first time ever 00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:08.000 Cheering. 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:16.000 Second time? Third time? Fourth time? 00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:27.000 Graduate. Fifth time? Oh my god. Sixth time? Thank freaking Lord. 00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:34.000 Folks, I want to do something before the show begins and I was just telling the staff here, I got some really fun news the other day, 00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:41.000 a production studio in New York City in Manhattan, that does reality television shows and some other things, some shows that you would absolutely know the name of 00:03:41.000 --> 00:03:48.000 But I'm not allowed to release that yet, they approached me about doing my own show, which is really exciting, and they want a proposal this week and on the front of that proposal, 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:52.000 I wanted to put a picture of an audience from one of my last shows, 00:03:52.000 --> 00:03:57.000 Well I'm doing that proposal tomorrow so if you don't mind what I'm going to do, is I'm going to grab my phone for just a second, 00:03:57.000 --> 00:03:65.000 And when I say, three two one if you'll stand up and just go like that and act like lunatics, you're going to be the cover photo of my proposal to a major television network 00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:13.000 So, three, two, one go. 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:22.000 Cheering, 00:04:22.000 --> 00:04:31.000 Nice job. So if I'm correct, you got to see my best friend in the world speak today, how many of you saw Dr. Will Keim today. 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:39.000 Will's my best friend in the world if you weren't moved by his words today then you don't have a pulse. 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:47.000 I'm just telling you that right now. And I believe later tonight is there not a dance, I believe there's a dance. How many of you are currently single 00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:49.000 Cheering. 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:51.000 How many of you are not 00:04:51.000 --> 00:04:55.000 How many of you who aren't single wish you were? 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:60.000 Alright let's not do that. Let's go a head and begin the show. 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.000 There are four rules whenever I speak to a group of people, 00:05:04.000 --> 00:05:13.000 The first rule is called the food rule, if you think that someone in this wonderful audience says something bright, meaningful or insightful and you want to reward each other's brilliance, 00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:22.000 You can say the word "food" and one of my candy bandits who are all throughout the crowd with food will give you food. One the count of 3 the word food. 1,2,3 food. 00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:30.000 Gentlemen where are you, give me half a wave. Gentlemen I am one of you, I know your kind. You can't go to your buddy and go "dude I'm hungry, yell food" it has to be earned. 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:36.000 Ladies, be careful, everything I was given is a chocolate product, chocolate is a proven aphrodisiac for women. 00:05:36.000 --> 00:05:40.000 Which means it insights your sexual arousal and desire. 00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:44.000 And this gymnasium is the wrong place for that to happen, so be careful. 00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:50.000 Number 2, you're the stars of, food, very nice, alright very nice. 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:58.000 Number 2, you're the stars of the show, when I actually have to stop and clap for you because you're brilliant or if I have to stop and laugh which I often do at Western, 00:05:58.000 --> 00:05:62.000 If I have to stop and laugh because you're that funny those shows are really fun for me, 00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:08.000 Number 3, for those of you who've seen me before, you're going to know I'm pretty canid I'm pretty direct I'm pretty honest. 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:12.000 What you have to understand about what I do, is I'm not up here doing a show 00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:16.000 Because I do this for a living, and I'm not up here doing a show to fill time for you 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:22.000 I'm doing a show tonight for you because I hope that you'll put the things I talk about into action tonight. 00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:26.000 Some of you will go to the dance tonight, and meet someone because you came to this show. 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:33.000 So some of you will go tonight and be a little confidant, some of you will go and hide because of what I've said. You'll do different things. But my hope is to help you. 00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:40.000 And number 4, if at any point in time during this program, now understand what I'm saying, if I am not speaking, 00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:48.000 Or if one of your peers is talking I don't want you to talk over top of them. But if we hit a lull, we don't hit many lulls, but if we hit a lull 00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:52.000 And you want to ask me a question and you want to ask me a question, you can raise your hand and I'll call on you, 00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:55.000 You'll stand up and say "David, I need some advice" and I'll answer your question. 00:06:55.000 --> 00:06:60.000 On the count of three, "David I need some advice" one, two, three 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:03.000 It's important for you to know where I come from as human being 00:07:03.000 --> 00:07:11.000 I don't care what you are. I don't care if you gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, experimenting, confused, 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:17.000 Whatever's happening in your social, romantic and sexual life behind your hopefully closed doors, is fine with me I don't care. 00:07:17.000 --> 00:07:21.000 But I think it's important for you know where I come from as a person, so you don't see me as a huge hypocrite. 00:07:21.000 --> 00:07:26.000 I have never been in a same sex relationship. 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:30.000 I have never been in a same sex with another guy. There's nothing wrong with that 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:34.000 it's just that my preference has been women. About a year ago on July 26th, 00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:37.000 I celebrated my first year anniversary with my wife. She can't be here tonight 00:07:37.000 --> 00:07:39.000 but there's a picture of her coming up in the show. 00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:41.000 Applause. 00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:47.000 Thanks. That being said, I've had hundreds of gay clients, hundreds, 00:07:47.000 --> 00:07:53.000 but can I tell you exactly what tells you what happens between two men romantically, no I've never walked that path, I've never been a lesbian. 00:07:53.000 --> 00:07:61.000 So can I tell you exactly what happens between two women romantically, no not exactly. I've had hundreds of lesbian clients. 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:04.000 Here's what's going to happen tonight, I'm going to talk about men 00:08:04.000 --> 00:08:07.000 things that turn men on, how to tell if a guy is interested in you. 00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:13.000 If you prefer men I would focus carefully on that part of the show. I will then switch gears and talk about women 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:16.000 things that turn women on, how to tell if a woman is interested in you. 00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:20.000 If you prefer women I would focus on that part of the show. And if your door swings both ways, 00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:24.000 which is fabulous, just keep listening, alright? 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.000 Can I dear the word deal? Deal. 00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:33.000 Bottom line of my show tonight is this, you will not find the right person until you become the right person. 00:08:33.000 --> 00:08:36.000 And the next thing about getting here a little earlier tonight, 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:40.000 I got here earlier tonight and I was working on some stuff and I was able to watch 00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:45.000 almost all of you walk in tonight. And some of you walked in and sat down and more of you walked in and sat down 00:08:45.000 --> 00:08:52.000 and I was watching what was happening, some of you were straining your little necks to see people, there were some people going oh yeah. 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:56.000 Yeah. How many of you are one of those people? 00:08:56.000 --> 00:08:60.000 But at the exact same moment do you know what was happening to some of you? 00:09:00.000 --> 00:09:07.000 Those of you who were going yeah uh huh at the same time in some of your heads you were thinking, I'm not handsome enough, 00:09:07.000 --> 00:09:12.000 I'm not pretty enough, I don't drive the right car, they're probably taken, they won't want me. 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:15.000 That is called a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. 00:09:15.000 --> 00:09:19.000 If you face only one obstacle in your life but you doubt yourself, 00:09:19.000 --> 00:09:25.000 you've outnumbered yourself. Folks that crap has got to stop and it got to stop today. 00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:28.000 I want you to turn to the people in front of you, behind you, beside you 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:32.000 You point at them, look them in the eyes, I actually want you to do this right now, look at each other and go 00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:34.000 It stops and it stops today. 00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:45.000 Crowd repeating words. 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:48.000 Whistle blowing. 00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:52.000 Thank you, when you hear the whistle chill to save my voice. In fact, 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:56.000 for my upperclassmen who have been to a couple of shows, I can tell within 00:09:56.000 --> 00:09:61.000 five minutes how much fun the shows going to be and this is going to border on psychosis, so here's what's going to happen. 00:10:01.000 --> 00:10:09.000 Tonight I think, and you can ask anyone whose ever seen my show before, I think we're going to connect I already feel it, and I think you're going to enjoy tonight's show. 00:10:09.000 --> 00:10:13.000 Later on tonight, you've had a busy day, you've had a long day, after the dance is over, 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:21.000 some of you, most of you, later tonight will give up on today and you'll pass out. You'll wake up tomorrow, some of you will shower, some of you won't. 00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:24.000 Some of you will brush your hair, some of you won't, 00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:26.000 some of you will brush your teeth, some of you won't. 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:32.000 Then I want every single person in this audience, and you might think that I'm kidding about what I'm about to say, I'm not kidding. 00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:36.000 I want every single person to look in the mirror 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:40.000 look back at themselves tomorrow and say, "I would so date me." 00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:44.000 Let me hear it. Three, two, one. Crowd repeats. 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:53.000 One more time, a little slower, more emphasis on the so. Three, two one. Crowd repeats. Do you know why? 00:10:53.000 --> 00:10:56.000 Can I have all of your attention for a minute, everybody focus in. 00:10:56.000 --> 00:10:60.000 If you're not your own greatest walking ambassador, if you would not 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:04.000 choose to date you, and some of you are going, "Dude I've been dating myself for a while." I understand that. 00:11:04.000 --> 00:11:09.000 But if you wouldn't choose to date yourself, how can you expect anyone else to want to do it? 00:11:09.000 --> 00:11:11.000 Let's talk about pick up lines. 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:17.000 Why do pick up lines exist? Pick up lines exist because 00:11:17.000 --> 00:11:20.000 one person finds another person attractive 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:25.000 but they don't have enough tact or diplomacy or game then to walk up to that person and go, 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:32.000 And they think that's going to work. Or something even worse. 00:11:38.000 --> 00:11:46.000 Because of something that I call the Hmm Theory of Relationships. On the count of three the word hmm. One, two, three. Crowd repeats. 00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:54.000 Folks don't lie, you were walking across campus earlier today, you stopped, you looked, you went hmm. 00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:59.000 You were eating a meal, someone sat down at the next table, you went hmm. 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:04.000 This week or last week you were sitting in church, temple or synagog, saw someone hot, 00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:10.000 let your mind wander and stopped yourself. How many of you have been sitting in chruch, temple, or synagog, saw someone hot and stopped yourself? 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:13.000 You're going to hell. Laughter. 00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:18.000 What is a hmm? A hmm is someone who stops you dead in your tracks. 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:23.000 They don't even know that you're checking them out. But to yourself or out loud you're thinking, 00:12:27.000 --> 00:12:33.000 Don't lie to me. Turn to each other, both sides and point at each other, and say don't lie to him. 00:12:33.000 --> 00:12:36.000 Do it. 00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:43.000 How many of you have ever seen a hmm? Hands. Hands down. 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:47.000 How many of you have said hello to at least one hmm? Hands. 00:12:47.000 --> 00:12:48.000 Hands down. 00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:52.000 How many of you pulled this move? There's your hmm. Let me hear it. Crowd repeats. 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:56.000 There's your hmm you stood back here and did nothing. 00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:60.000 While somebody else walked up to your hmm, talked to your hmm, 00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:04.000 bond with your hmm, walked away with your hmm, left you going hmm. 00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:06.000 Laughter. How many of you have done it? 00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:09.000 Turn to each other and go that stops too. Do it please. 00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:13.000 Crowd repeats. 00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:19.000 You know how it's going to stop? No David how. Let me hear it. Crowd repeats. 00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:24.000 I'm going to teach everyone of you in this audience tonight, how to become what I call the fat penguin. 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:28.000 Why? Because fat penguins break the ice. I know. 00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:32.000 Is that a horrible analogy, the answer is what? Yes. 00:13:32.000 --> 00:13:38.000 It's awful, it's atrocious. Can I have dead silence, can I have your full attention? Here's what I'm actually telling you. 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:42.000 And I mean this from the bottom of my heart folks. Every single day 00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:48.000 you fail to let someone know that you are interested in them. 00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:57.000 It gives them a day to met someone else romantically and not date you and I think that stinks. Do you know why? Because you made it into this gymnasium tonight 00:13:57.000 --> 00:13:62.000 there are people that knew about this show tonight and for some reason or another they didn't come, there's still some seats left in this place. 00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:07.000 And there are people who could have been here. They for whatever reason weren't here and that's cool but you are here. 00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:15.000 So if it comes down to them dating someone or you dating that someone, I want it to be you. 00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:16.000 Do you understand? 00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:21.000 I'm going to share with you throughout the show, I've got five or six or seven pickup lines, I don't endorse them. 00:14:21.000 --> 00:14:26.000 But these are pickup lines I've actually heard people use in my presence and I wrote them down. 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:30.000 The first one is, "Hey baby they call me the love pirate so give me all your booty. 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:31.000 Laughter. 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:33.000 You smell because you're the shit. Laughter. 00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:39.000 And one of my all time favorites, "If beauty were measured in milk you'd be a cow." Folks look at me. 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:44.000 Never compare a person to a large farm animal. Can I hear a yes David? 00:14:44.000 --> 00:14:46.000 Crowd repeats. 00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:52.000 How many of you are brand new students? You are not high school students anymore. Say those words. 00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:54.000 Crowd repeats. 00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:59.000 Whose making your social life decisions? Who are you accountable to? 00:14:59.000 --> 00:14:64.000 Some of you are like my parents still they haunt me. 00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:08.000 Understand something that the upperclassmen already know. 00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:10.000 When in doubt stay out of their room. 00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:16.000 If you don't know what you are socially, romantically, sexually, or physically with someone else stay out of their room. 00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:20.000 Two, three, four o'clock in the morning, five o'clock in the morning 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:25.000 stay out of their room. And ladies where you at? Where are all the ladies in the audience? 00:15:25.000 --> 00:15:33.000 Hello, hi ladies. Ladies understand what I'm saying. I don't care if that man's straight, gay, or bi. 00:15:33.000 --> 00:15:38.000 I don't care if the man is straight, gay, or bi, I don't care if you are. 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:44.000 Ladies if you get a text message after midnight any of the seven days of the week from a man on this planet 00:15:44.000 --> 00:15:47.000 after midnight any of the seven days of the week from a guy 00:15:47.000 --> 00:15:52.000 and that text message says, "Hey baby what's up?" The answers his penis, do we all understand that? 00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:58.000 Laughter. Even he's like dude it was up. No. 00:15:58.000 --> 00:15:66.000 Now unless you've been living under a rock for the last few years of your life, 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:13.000 you have to know that every college campus in America is trying to create a campus culture of consent. What is that? 00:16:13.000 --> 00:16:21.000 That's before you get involved in heavy adult physical activities all the way to intercourse, you are actually having adult conversations. 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:24.000 Can I touch you? Can I kiss you? Can I more than touch you? 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:27.000 Can I more than kiss you? And the answer you get back is the answer you live with. 00:16:27.000 --> 00:16:33.000 If it's a no it's a no. And if that person says yes they can still change their mind to a no and that's okay. 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:41.000 You can never assume that you have someone's consent. Everyone look at me, you can never assume that you have someone else's consent. 00:16:41.000 --> 00:16:44.000 If they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:48.000 Hello, by the way I'll stop for a minute. 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:51.000 How about the wonderful job our interrupters do, can you give them a huge round of applause? 00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:57.000 Applause. Alright. 00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:64.000 If they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol or you are, they cannot consent to you and you cannot ask for it. 00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:08.000 You got to make sure, and I don't want you to end up in front of the dean of students and the dean of student's office going, "You're in deep trouble." 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:16.000 A couple things up here I want you to understand. 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:20.000 Agree on a safe word. I think that every sexually active couple 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:23.000 should have what is called a safe word. 00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:30.000 Obviously the safest words are no, stop, I'm uncomfortable, I don't want to do that. I think we all get that. 00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:35.000 But couples who are sexually active sometimes have a safe word, some couples use a color. 00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:38.000 Red, green, blue, Santa, whatever word they use 00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:43.000 they throw that word out and what that means as a couple is, we're going to chill out we're going to take a moment. 00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:48.000 We're going to reassess, we're going to gather ourselves and see if we actually want to go farther. 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:53.000 The last thing on this slide that's most important it says intervener vs. bystander. 00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:57.000 An intervener is, it's all about family now folks. 00:17:57.000 --> 00:17:60.000 And I really mean this when I come to Western. 00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:06.000 Sometimes when I go to a college I have to force myself and say, "Hey it's all about family." But I have to tell you 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:13.000 I've always loved one of the things I do when I come here is I go outside and for a minute I watch you all come into this campus. 00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:16.000 Come into this building from all over campus, it's the coolest freaking thing in the world. 00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:21.000 Some of you come from over there, some of you over there, I don't know where some of you come from, it's just out of nowhere. 00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:25.000 But you know what I notice? You're thrilled to be together. 00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:30.000 And that means it's all about family. So what does it mean? It means if you know someone whose hurting 00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:37.000 because they haven't had a date since Moby Dick was a guppy or you know someone who just got out of a really bad relationship 00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:39.000 or someone who feels like they're a loser magnet, 00:18:39.000 --> 00:18:41.000 that we get that person the help that they need. 00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:48.000 And if you don't mind, would you turn to the people around you and say, "Hey it's nice to be family." Sit up please. 00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:52.000 Crowd repeats. 00:18:52.000 --> 00:18:64.000 Alright. Do me a favor, sit up straight, feet flat on the floor, shake out your arms. Neck one way 00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:08.000 neck the other way, turn to the people on both sides and say you look fabulous. 00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:12.000 Crowd repeats. 00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:16.000 Some of you just thought, "I know." 00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:20.000 How many of you did? I love Western. 00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:24.000 Alright let me have your attention. You're going to use this tonight. 00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:28.000 There's a dance tonight. Cheering. 00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:34.000 So I'm going to teach some of you, some of you don't have tremendous skills, listen up please. 00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:37.000 Some of you don't have tremendous skills at meeting other people. 00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:40.000 Some of you have it down to a science, some of you are a little bit rusty. 00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.000 I am going to teach you what is called the Five Minute Find. 00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:54.000 It's called the ABC's of initial interest. It's what you look for in the first five minutes you spend with someone to see if you might be interested in pursing anything with them. 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:61.000 The first thing you look for, let's look down. This is the international audience hmm. On the count of the three the word hmm. One , two, three. Crowd repeats. 00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:06.000 So what are you looking for? The first thing you look for is attraction. 00:20:06.000 --> 00:20:13.000 Now they don't have to be drop dead gorgeous or handsome to you but you shouldn't be repulsed, you shouldn't want to take off when you see them, that's a bad sign. 00:20:13.000 --> 00:20:19.000 The B stands for Believability. In the first couple minutes you spend with that person 00:20:19.000 --> 00:20:22.000 do their words seem sincere, true, and genuine or 00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:26.000 does it feel like they're lying or fabricating or trying to top everything that you say? 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:32.000 Can I see an honest show of hands? And my hand is already up in the air. How many of you have met someone ever 00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:36.000 and the first couple minutes you spent with them, they made your skin crawl? 00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:39.000 Anybody? Wave to each other, misery loves company. 00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:43.000 Did you want to spend more or less time with them? Less. 00:20:43.000 --> 00:20:48.000 How quickly did you want to get out of their presence? Right now. 00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:52.000 The C stands for Chemistry, listen up please. 00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:58.000 The C stands for Chemistry. Chemistry is every type of attraction for another person except physical. 00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:63.000 Could they put a smile on your face, did they make you laugh, was eye contact easy to maintain with them? 00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:12.000 And the D stands for Desire. It's not the desire to marry them and it's not the desire to get physical with them, it's the desire to get to know them better. 00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:15.000 Now there are two things you need to know about tonight's show. 00:21:15.000 --> 00:21:20.000 Any upperclassman can tell you this is true. Number one, I now consider us friends. 00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.000 If you follow me on social media if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter 00:21:24.000 --> 00:21:28.000 and you write me a quick question, there's not some room full of people going 00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:32.000 tell him this tell him that, it's me that you'll hear back from. 00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:36.000 Why? Because I consider this place like a second home. 00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:41.000 Number two, for some of you it's going to be hard for you to get me out of your head. 00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:44.000 I kind of percolate in your brain. I'll give you an example. 00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:47.000 Let's say, this coming weekend you end up at a party 00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:54.000 And you're at this party and you're meeting someone and I don't mean you're chit-chatting, you're meeting someone. 00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:59.000 And you're looking around for your friends and your friends have ditched you, that's what friends do, they ditch. And so you're thinking to yourself, 00:21:59.000 --> 00:21:65.000 Oh my gosh, I'm meeting this person and I'm all alone. You're going to stop yourself and think, no I'm not, David's here. 00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:11.000 And I will be. I'm going to be invisible on your shoulder and I'm going to ask you four quick questions. 00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:16.000 So do you find them attractive? Yes. Do you Believe them? So far. 00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:20.000 Is there chemistry? I think so. Is there desire? Yes. 00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:26.000 If there is, spend up to one hour of social time with that person. 00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:29.000 Why only one hour? Because what if you misjudged. 00:22:29.000 --> 00:22:36.000 What if you were wrong? And that person's not right? And now you're looking at your watching going why wont you move? 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:45.000 Be honest, my hand is way in the air, way up. How many of you have met someone thought it would be better than it was now you're looking at your watching hoping time will fleet by. 00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:48.000 Time won't move. Who's ever been there? 00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:53.000 But everyone in the room, show me how fast an hour goes with the right person, three two one. Like that. 00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:63.000 Then one of you gets to look and the other person and say, "Man that time really flew by, would you like to do something else?" And you get to hear three of the greatest words in early dating, 00:23:03.000 --> 00:23:12.000 I'd love to. Then only one more hour, why? It can still turn ugly. And you always want to leave people wanting, what? More. 00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:18.000 See, you know what college students do? Because you have every communication device ever known on the planet, 00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:26.000 What'll happen, is you'll meet someone. You meet someone, they meet you back, you can't go off with each other because you're doing something and they're doing something. 00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:33.000 But you exchange digits. What'll happen within ten minutes, one of you text the other one and go, "It was nice to meet you". 00:23:33.000 --> 00:23:36.000 Twenty minutes later, "I could see us going out". 00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:41.000 Thirty minutes later "I will drink your bathwater" You cannot be that person. 00:23:41.000 --> 00:23:51.000 Repeat these words after me, "if you smother them, they are gone" 00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:59.000 Don't smother. You think I'm lying? How many of you have ever had so much communication back and forth with someone, that you thought you were interested in, 00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:07.000 Your phone was on vibrate, you heard your phone go off, you saw it was them, you picked up your phone and went ugh. How many of you have done it? 00:24:07.000 --> 00:24:11.000 Uh-huh, I don't want you to be someone's ugh, so we're going to work on that. 00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:18.000 Some of you unfortunately, are going to go through a breakup while you are in college. 00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:21.000 Some of you have already gone through a pretty rough one. 00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:26.000 I would not have met the woman, you'll see my wife she'll come up on a slide later in the show, 00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:32.000 I would have not have met my amazing wife has I not gone through a horrible breakup about five years ago. 00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:39.000 So sometimes breakups, although they're difficult as can be they're necessary. Let me find find out, my upper class men too, 00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:46.000 Again, thank you for coming back to the show. How many of you in this room new students or upper class men have been through a bad breakup, hands. 00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:54.000 Wave to each other. Misery loves company. Hands down, how many of you did not see that break up coming, hands. 00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:61.000 Hands down, for how many of you, that break up hurt? Hands. Hands down. 00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:08.000 Do not lie to me. For how many of you, that break up still hurts now? 00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:12.000 Guess what? I'm going to help you tonight, why? Because I love you and I can. 00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:19.000 Now before I teach you how to make it through a bad breakup, I am going to predict when those breakups are going to happen. 00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:25.000 Yes, I am clairvoyant. There are four periods of time on a college campus that most breakups happen. 00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:31.000 The first one is right after thanksgiving. Its called the turkey drop, what does it sound like? 00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:39.000 One person goes to one school, one person goes to another school, or one person went off to college and one person had high school to finish, and they're saying to each other 00:25:39.000 --> 00:25:48.000 I love you, oh I love you too, we can do this, I know we can. We can make it work, I know. I met someone, I did too, we're toast, I know. It's called the turkey drop. 00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:54.000 The second biggest period of time when breakups occur is right after Valentines Day. Why? 00:25:54.000 --> 00:25:64.000 Because we are stupid enough as a society, to allow a hallmark holiday to be a barometer on how well our relationships are going. 00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:12.000 The third biggest breakup period of time, right after spring break, why? You hear the upperclassmen, "yeah." Why? 00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:18.000 Because sometimes things happen on spring break, and then sometimes couples go together on spring break, 00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:25.000 And that doesn't work out very well, they're walking along the beach, hand in hand, somebody walks by and goes "Hey Chris, hey" "Hey" 00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:33.000 They're like, "Who was that?" "Who was that and how do they know your name?" And the fourth biggest period of time when breakups occur, 00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:42.000 Right before summer break, why? Do you really want to be held accountable, and be in the wrong relationship during your coveted summer break, no. 00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:48.000 Now once again, can I see a show of hands, how many of you have been through a breakup, whether it was highschool or whatever, how many of you have been through one? 00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:54.000 I'm going to help you in the future if it ever happens again, the D stands for distance. 00:26:54.000 --> 00:26:63.000 Once that person breaks up with you, now I'm assuming if you broke up with them, it's what you wanted, you're like "Hey sorry we're done nice to see you." 00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:08.000 If it was you that got broken up with, and especially if you didn't see that breakup coming, you were blindsided. 00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:17.000 You're going to keep your distance, that means from the moment they break up with you they no longer get access to your heart, mind, body or soul. If you are facebook friends, 00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:20.000 unfriend them, unfollow them on twitter, instgram, none of that stuff. 00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:28.000 Snapchat, none of that. Why? Because everyday you let them in here, and everyday you let them in here you're not going to move forward. And there's the part that I cant stand, 00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:32.000 They're going to make you their plan B layaway. 00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:38.000 They're going to keep you right here, and it's going to sound something like this, "No, I miss you too, how are you doing, no the breakup was hard on me too." 00:27:43.000 --> 00:27:49.000 If they choose to cheat they choose to lose you, if they choose to breakup with you, they've chosen to lose you. 00:27:49.000 --> 00:27:53.000 But David, I miss them, it hurts. What do I do? You get active. 00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:60.000 You go see the wonderful staff members in the red shirts against that wall, and you find the right couple of organizations or activities on this campus, why? 00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:05.000 Because I don't want you to sit around and do what? Think. About who? Them. 00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:11.000 And then do you know what our minds are going to do? Because we are human beings and we love to torment ourselves? 00:28:11.000 --> 00:28:18.000 Your mind is going to take you to the worst thing they could be doing with the worst person they could be doing it with. 00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:24.000 How many of you have been through that bad breakup? Don't lie to me, during that breakup how many of your minds went to 00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:31.000 The worst they could be doing, with the worst person they could be doing it with. Absolutely true. The T stands for time. 00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:38.000 It took you time to fall for this person, it's going to take you time to get over that person. But David, how much time? This really sucks. 00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:43.000 I Have a little formula, it's called David's Rebound ratio. 00:28:43.000 --> 00:28:50.000 It's how long I think it's going to take you to get over a breakup when someone blindsides you, I think it's two weeks for every month 00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:60.000 Two months for every year. What does that mean? That means if you were dating someone for two solid years, two solid years. 00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:08.000 And you didn't see that breakup coming, it might take you three or four months before you start to feel human again. What about this, 00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:15.000 What if they were your first true love, you probably have to add time. Your first kiss, add time. More than your first kiss, add time. 00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:21.000 If you wont listen to me, if you wont keep your distance and stay active it might take more time. What's the E stand for? 00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:29.000 It means exit on your terms. Have you ever stopped to think about, I'm a dating doctor I think of this stuff, 00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:36.000 Have you ever stopped to think about what someone's actually saying to us when they break up with us, what someone's actually saying is, 00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:43.000 I'm no longer attracted to you, I'm not longer romantically interested in you and I no longer want to spend time with you on a regular basis. 00:29:43.000 --> 00:29:51.000 Okay? They get closure. What do we get? Heartbreak, anger and confusion. You might have to correspond with them one last time to set the record straight. 00:29:51.000 --> 00:29:57.000 But you know what, it cannot be filled with horrible emotion and anger, you cannot start off, 00:29:57.000 --> 00:29:61.000 You jerk..you cannot do that. Why? 00:30:01.000 --> 00:30:10.000 Because the second they see that and feel it, they're going to say, "huh, can't get over me can you? I really hurt you, I guess I.." what? Won. 00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:19.000 They didn't freaking win, because you have me. You're going to keep your distance, you're going to stay active, it's going to take some time and you're going to exit on who's terms? 00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:27.000 Very nice. Some of you in the audience tonight are single because you do not know when you are being hit on. Now some of you, 00:30:27.000 --> 00:30:33.000 Some of you, are completely oblivious. This is going to help at tonight's dance. 00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:38.000 Some of you are completely oblivious, some of you are out of practice and some of you are selective. 00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:46.000 No, don't you hit on me. No don't you hit on me, I understand. Sit back up straight, shake out those arms, get some blood flow. 00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:52.000 I could care less what sex you are and what sex you're interested in. 00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:57.000 Here are nine subtle signs. Nine subtle signs that someone is interested in you. Number one, 00:30:57.000 --> 00:30:66.000 They will maintain eye contact with you. Men who like women, women who like women, something you need to know about women, 00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:12.000 Women do not maintain eye contact with creepers or people who repulse them. Ladies, where you at? 00:31:12.000 --> 00:31:17.000 Ladies, do you know why you're so careful with your eye contact? 00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:21.000 Because you don't want to accidentally give the wrong person a sliver of what? Hope. 00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:30.000 That they have a what? Chance. Number two, they will avoid using weak player tactics on you, they are not going to walk up to you and go, 00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:48.000 Because when we fall for someone, as human being, when we fall for someone else we turn to something called mush-brain. 00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:56.000 Mush-brain. How many of you think you know what I'm talking about? Here's mush brain, this is them, this is us. 00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:61.000 This is them, this is us, we go up and try to talk to them and it comes out... 00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:10.000 It will not come out we go temporarily blind and deaf, we loose our equilibrium, we're careful where we touching ourselves, we get hat feeling in the pit of our stomach we're a little bit nervous, 00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:18.000 You know what? We will not not make a ton of extended eye contact into the eyes of someone we have fallen for, why? 00:32:18.000 --> 00:32:24.000 Because we're afraid that our feelings for them, are so transparent that they'll see right through us and all of the mystery will be gone. 00:32:24.000 --> 00:32:33.000 So you know what we have developed as human beings? We have developed something called the three eye contact method of meeting someone special. 00:32:33.000 --> 00:32:40.000 Here's how it works, you'll make eye contact with them, you'll look away. 00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:48.000 A moment later you'll reestablish that eye contact with them, and you'll hold that eye contact with them for about the full count of one-one thousand. 00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:54.000 Unless you're an idiot please don't look at them and go "one one thousand" Say it quietly. 00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:58.000 Third time, you'll look back at them and you'll hold that eye contact one more time 00:32:58.000 --> 00:32:61.000 Till they look away, then you're not going to look back for a while. 00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:08.000 Now folks, I'm going to teach how to use, now if you all use this at the dance tonight I think it'll fail, because you all just learned it. 00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:18.000 But I'm going to teach you..Is that person staring? I'm going to move..Here's how you optimally use the three eye contact method. You make eye contact with them, 00:33:18.000 --> 00:33:26.000 Look away, reestablish say nothing stupid, look away. 00:33:26.000 --> 00:33:33.000 You look back one more time, and you hold that eye contact, if they're looking, you're looking. 00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:39.000 The second they look away you quickly and dramatically change your position, you don't run you're not stupid. 00:33:39.000 --> 00:33:45.000 But I'd go way over there, why? Because in just a minute, they're going to look back at where you were and go "they're gone". 00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:48.000 But being a human being, they cannot stop there, they must what? 00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:52.000 Find you. So they will scan scan scan, scan scan scan 00:33:52.000 --> 00:33:56.000 scan scan scan, till you lock eyes and you can look at them and go "Gotcha" 00:33:56.000 --> 00:33:62.000 Number five, they will smile. 00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:10.000 Number five, they will smile, they will laugh, they will banter with you they'll be like "Your joke sucked" but they're still laughing. 00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:17.000 Number six, this is a big one, if someone's interested in you, they will break the touch barrier. 00:34:17.000 --> 00:34:22.000 In your wildest dreams and imaginations, no one is going to walk up and break the touch barrier in some horrible way. 00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:29.000 I's going to look like this, this is you, this them, this is you, this is them, it's going to look like this, 00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:43.000 Do not walk up at tonight's dance, oh excuse me, sorry, got my self nervous. Do not walk up at tonight's dance and go, 00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:53.000 Okay, but it'll happen. Number seven, they're going to check on your whereabouts. 00:34:53.000 --> 00:34:61.000 Why are they doing to do that? They might say something like, "Hey there's a big dance tonight after the dating doctor thing, are you going to that?" They want to know for one of two reasons, 00:35:01.000 --> 00:35:12.000 They either want to avoid it, because you're going to be there but that's not the case, they absolutely want to be there. Do you know why? Say no I don't. 00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:16.000 They want to be there because you're a catch. 00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:19.000 You are a catch, sit up straight please, 00:35:19.000 --> 00:35:31.000 Say the following words out loud, "I'm a catch" Now instead of being robotic with it say it like you mean it, go. Turn to the people on both sides of you and tell them you're a catch, do it. 00:35:31.000 --> 00:35:47.000 Now turn to them and tell them that they're a catch, let's be positive. Everybody look down here, dead silence, look down. 00:35:47.000 --> 00:35:52.000 That wasn't an exercise people, you're a catch. You know what I'm talking about? 00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:56.000 You're going to one of the best schools in America, you live in paradise. 00:35:56.000 --> 00:35:65.000 You are driven, you are good people, alright, you're good people. Someone would be darn lucky to date you and have a relationship with you. 00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:12.000 And you have to have that in your mind, absolutely. Number eight, they will stay in your presence. 00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:16.000 We don't hang out with people who repulse us or who are creepers, we don't do it. And number nine, 00:36:16.000 --> 00:36:24.000 This one's important, they will look at you and say something like, your boyfriend, your girlfriend is so lucky. 00:36:24.000 --> 00:36:34.000 They will then stop and begin praying to whatever God they believe in hoping that your answer back will be, "I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have a girlfriend" What are they thinking? Yes. 00:36:34.000 --> 00:36:39.000 My upperclassmen, let me see your hands again, wow. 00:36:39.000 --> 00:36:46.000 That's really nice of you guys to come back to the show. Do me this favor, for this question let one of the newbies who haven't heard me do the show before, answer it 00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:52.000 Because I know that many many many of you remember this one because it hits home. For those new students in the audience, 00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:59.000 Who controls relationships and why? And before one you raises your hand and says, "David no one does, it's loving and equal" please. 00:36:59.000 --> 00:36:68.000 In every single relationships on earth someone's in control, who is it. Tell me who you are, right there in the cool patterned shirt, stand up for me please 00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:24.000 First name? What is it? Anthony? Where are you from? Hawaii? No kidding, that can't suck, that's cool. 00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:39.000 Anthony, what did you come here to study? Okay, that's alright, that's cool. Who controls relationships Anthony? The person who's less in love, why do you say that? 00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:48.000 The person who's more in love will show a lot more love. Anthony did you come here? Are you in relationship, Anthony? 00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:54.000 You are? Is that person here or? Hawaii? 00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:61.000 Well there's always tonight's dance. Okay, the answer is...give him some chocolate please. 00:38:01.000 --> 00:38:09.000 By the way, give him a huge round of applause, because hey Anthony? 00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:14.000 I never assume someone's straight or gay, okay? Whoever you're with, is very lucky. 00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:22.000 Handsome, classy, nailed the answer, humble, you kinda turned away from me when I even thought about the fact that you might meet someone new, whoever you are dating is very very lucky. 00:38:22.000 --> 00:38:33.000 Alright, you're a class act. The answer is, it's the person who loves, cares, or tries the least that has all the control in a relationship. 00:38:33.000 --> 00:38:40.000 It's the one who's least invested. Why? Because the one who's more invested has to work twice as hard, to keep the relationship going. 00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:47.000 And to keep the other person interested. I call this little situation the... 00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:53.000 Let me here it ladies, three two one "Aww." When you where a woman go "aww" 00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:60.000 You're about to get loving, do you understand that? It's female for "Awww heh-heh-heh" 00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:11.000 What is the puppy theory of relationships? How many of you in this auditorium tonight, in this gym, have ever seen a puppy, heard of a puppy, or seen the concept of a puppy? 00:39:11.000 --> 00:39:19.000 During the house training phase of puppy rearing, how many of those puppies pooped or peed on the floor before they could be stopped? All of them. 00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:29.000 At the moment of the crime, at the moment of the poop-age or the pee-age, none of us walk up to that little puppy and go "good boy, good girl, do it again" What did we all do? 00:39:29.000 --> 00:39:36.000 We did not kill the puppy, but thank you. We spanked it's little bottom, we took it by the scruff of the neck, we pushed it's nose in the spot, in the pile, and we said, 00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:41.000 Don't do that again on my floor, or you will die. Now I'm not suggesting, please listen up, 00:39:41.000 --> 00:39:46.000 I am not suggesting that you go back to wherever you live on or near this breath-taking beautiful campus 00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:52.000 That you defecate or urinate on your floor, call "Honey, come over, have I got a surprise for you" 00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:60.000 What I am suggest is this, that is a dog accidentally sitting on a cat's head. 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:13.000 Can we have dead silence for a moment? Three, two, one, poof, poof, top row poof. Uppers poof, middle poof, you poof, staff poof. Interpreter poof. 00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:16.000 Every single one of you in this room 00:40:16.000 --> 00:40:21.000 every single one of you is now that cat, how does that feel? 00:40:21.000 --> 00:40:25.000 Every single day, listen up please. 00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:28.000 Every single day you let someone treat you with that much disrespect 00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:32.000 but they get your heart, mind, body, soul, time, or effort anyway 00:40:32.000 --> 00:40:36.000 what will they do to your floor the next day? They're going to crap all over it. 00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:40.000 What I am about to show you right now was worth you 00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:46.000 coming into the gym tonight. I'm going to repeat that. What I'm about to show you right now was worth you coming into the room tonight. 00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:50.000 If you are mature enough to activate this in your life. 00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:56.000 If your significant other honestly believes in their heart that you will walk away 00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:60.000 from them and never look back, if they mistreat you and disrespect you 00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:04.000 they won't do it. But if the worse they treat you 00:41:04.000 --> 00:41:10.000 the harder you work to keep them in your life, they will do it for as long as they know you. 00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:14.000 You get the respect that you deserve, that you demand, and that you desire. 00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:22.000 Would you do me this favor? Would you turn to two, three, four people around you, look at them, nod, look at them and say, "You deserve the absolute best." Would you do that please? 00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:28.000 Crowd repeats. 00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:32.000 Alright. Sit up straight. 00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:39.000 Shake out those arms, everybody take in a nice deep breath and hold it. Take it in. 00:41:39.000 --> 00:41:46.000 Let it out. This one I want to be twice as deep and hold it. Take it in, let it out with emotion. 00:41:46.000 --> 00:41:48.000 Crowd repeats. 00:41:48.000 --> 00:41:52.000 I didn't say orgasm I said emotion. What the hell was that? 00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:54.000 Laughter. 00:41:54.000 --> 00:41:60.000 It's your time. If you are on that side of the gym, turn your butts and face me. 00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:06.000 If you're other there spin and face me. You in front of me you're fine, you guys spin and face me. 00:42:06.000 --> 00:42:08.000 Isn't this fun? 00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:12.000 I am now going to give you five to ten minutes of my time and attention. 00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:19.000 You can ask me any questions you want to about men, women, dating, relationships, romance, sex, marriage, divorce, my own life within reason. 00:42:19.000 --> 00:42:27.000 Do not ask me a question that you don't want an honest answer to. And do not try to upstage me with something vulgar I will destroy you. 00:42:27.000 --> 00:42:33.000 Alright? So just be nice, ask the right questions. I think I saw a hand right there. First name? 00:42:33.000 --> 00:42:39.000 Thomas how are you? Thanks for being at the show. Thomas what can I answer for you? 00:42:39.000 --> 00:42:44.000 Thomas: How old were you when you lost your virginity? David: How old was I when I lost my virginity? 00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:52.000 Let me think back. I was towards the end of my teens and it was my sister's older friend. 00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:60.000 Applause and cheering. 00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:03.000 I learned a lot. 00:43:03.000 --> 00:43:05.000 Laughter. 00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:20.000 Dear god. Laughter. 00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:27.000 Thank you Thomas. Next, I think I see a hand up there. Stand up for me. First name? Steven. 00:43:27.000 --> 00:43:32.000 Steven? Be a a little bit louder, I heard that but be a little louder. 00:43:32.000 --> 00:43:40.000 I'm assuming done it equals intercourse? Okay. 00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:49.000 Steven asks question. 00:43:49.000 --> 00:43:54.000 Steven. Okay I'm going to answer this question directly okay? I'm going to answer it like you're my client. 00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:61.000 You shouldn't even be thinking about it yet. Do you know why? Because if you have to ask me that question and you're not sure about the ramifications of it 00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:09.000 you shouldn't be doing it. There's a ton of ways to make love. I'm about to teach the whole audience how to make love without having intercourse. 00:44:09.000 --> 00:44:14.000 And believe me, if you can make love to somebody without having intercourse, then when intercourse enters the picture you'll be a damn good lover. 00:44:14.000 --> 00:44:22.000 But right now, if that's even in your head stay out of that situation. 00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:27.000 You don't have to be scared of it, it's not going to kill you or bite back or anything. You know what 00:44:28.000 --> 00:44:30.000 come see me after the show I'd like to meet you. 00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:36.000 Next, Rory up there. Applause. 00:44:36.000 --> 00:44:40.000 By the way, do me a favor. Give Steven a 00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:44.000 buttload, that took guts to ask that question give him a buttload. 00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:46.000 Applause. 00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:51.000 By the way, let's use a teachable moment for here. 00:44:51.000 --> 00:44:56.000 This is why I love coming to Western. Why? He asked a question where at other schools they'd go 00:44:56.000 --> 00:44:60.000 loser, they'd attack him. Not here you all went 00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:15.000 Okay the person in the green first name? Kristen: I'm Kristen. David: Hi Kristen where are you from? Kristen: I'm from Klamath Falls. 00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:19.000 Oh I go to Oregon Tech all the time it's beautiful there. 00:45:19.000 --> 00:45:23.000 Okay, she's like, "I'm gone I'm never going back ever." 00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:28.000 One road in one road out, couple of eagles here and there. What can I answer for you? 00:45:28.000 --> 00:45:32.000 What do you do if your ex is in your friends group? 00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:36.000 Crowd murmurs. 00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:45.000 Alright. Her question was what do you do if your ex is in your friend group. 00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:48.000 Sit up straight, shake out those arms. 00:45:48.000 --> 00:45:52.000 Get ready to learn. Here we go. 00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:57.000 Everyone, we're going through the progression of friend learning. 00:45:57.000 --> 00:45:64.000 Do you know why friend stuff is so difficult on a college campus? Because you're together 24/7, 365. 00:46:04.000 --> 00:46:10.000 I would say, and I told you this was going to happen, we have bonded. Steven you helped. We have bonded. 00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:16.000 So I am going to teach you but I need to understand from you the truth. Don't lie to me. 00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:21.000 Don't lie to me. How many of you in this room have a "friend" 00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:28.000 You'd love to be more than friends with that person but you have no idea how to bring it up without possibly screwing it up? 00:46:28.000 --> 00:46:33.000 Okay. What if I could teach you listen. 00:46:33.000 --> 00:46:43.000 What if I could teach you within thirty seconds how to know if you could be more without hurting the friendship? What to know? Here's your "friend". 00:46:43.000 --> 00:46:48.000 It cannot be done formally. You cannot walk up to them and go, 00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:59.000 You're college students I want you to have fun with it. Say tomorrow's another beautiful day here in paradise and you're outside having fun. 00:46:59.000 --> 00:46:64.000 If there's a great opportunity I want you to look at them and in a fun loving manner say to them, 00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:16.000 No. You immediately look back at them and go oh gosh me either wouldn't that be awful? And you keep doing what you're doing. 00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:23.000 But if you look at them and go, "Have you ever thought about us being more than just friends?" And they look back at you and go, "Yeah I have." 00:47:23.000 --> 00:47:27.000 I would look right back at them and go, "I'm thinking about it now." 00:47:27.000 --> 00:47:28.000 Laughter. 00:47:28.000 --> 00:47:33.000 Oh David I couldn't do that, I had to change my depends. Then change it. 00:47:33.000 --> 00:47:37.000 Because if you are physically attracted to someone, 00:47:37.000 --> 00:47:43.000 romantically interested in them, or they can make you jealous by what they say or do with someone else, 00:47:43.000 --> 00:47:46.000 you can't be friends. I'm going to repeat that. 00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:51.000 If you are physically attracted to someone, romantically interested in them, 00:47:51.000 --> 00:47:57.000 or they can make you jealous by being with someone else you can't be just friends. You want to be more than that. 00:47:57.000 --> 00:47:65.000 Now I know some of you always get worried about being caught in something that a lot of people call the friendzone. What is the friendzone really? 00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:10.000 The friendzone is unrequited love. It means 00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:17.000 they're hot for you and they have romantic intensions for you or you're hot for them and you have romantic intensions for them, 00:48:17.000 --> 00:48:24.000 but they don't have them in return for you or you don't have them in return for them. And some people get so upset. 00:48:24.000 --> 00:48:28.000 I wish we would all understand that we just all have types. 00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:33.000 We have types that we're kind of interested in, we don't necessarily have to stick to them. But if I asked each one of you, 00:48:33.000 --> 00:48:39.000 oh I like them tall and blond, I like them short and non blond. We all have different types. We also 00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:45.000 are allowed to be attracted to the people we are attracted to. Do you know why the friendzone happens primarily? 00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:54.000 The friendzone occurs because this person that you want to be more than friends with gets to see you all day everyday for free. 00:48:54.000 --> 00:48:59.000 You're interested in this person. You go into breakfast every morning. Whose already there? Them. 00:48:59.000 --> 00:48:63.000 Whose in your first class? They are. Who'd you have lunch with? Them. 00:49:04.000 --> 00:49:09.000 Whose in your afternoon class? Them. You went to workout, who was looking good? Them. 00:49:09.000 --> 00:49:14.000 Night class? Oh they're in it. Grabbed a bite to eat with who? Them. Oh Grey's Anatomy? Them. 00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:22.000 If they get to see you all day everyday for free they will never want you. Everyone on Earth want what they cannot have. 00:49:22.000 --> 00:49:28.000 Let's talk about sex. On the count of three the word sex. One, two, three. Crowd repeats. 00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:31.000 A little bit more zen like. Three, two, one. Crowd repeats. 00:49:31.000 --> 00:49:36.000 Gentlemen? Oh gentlemen where you at? Gentlemen? 00:49:36.000 --> 00:49:39.000 Ninety nine percent of you in this gym tonight 00:49:39.000 --> 00:49:45.000 have just approached your sexual prime, crossed over into your sexual prime or a few of you 00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:49.000 are fairly established in your sexual prime. What does that mean? 00:49:49.000 --> 00:49:59.000 That means that there's at least one guy in the audience tonight who is so tightly wound up sexually, you could walk out of this building, get hit by a strong wind, and be pretty darn happy about that. 00:49:59.000 --> 00:49:68.000 Ladies on the other hand. You're not going to hit your sexual prime until your 26-45, 47, 49. 00:50:08.000 --> 00:50:15.000 That means there are some women sitting here right now going, "If this is not my sexual prime where on Earth am I headed?" And that might be true actually. 00:50:15.000 --> 00:50:20.000 Gentlemen. We get aroused through our eyes. 00:50:20.000 --> 00:50:28.000 That's why porn is such a big huge hairy deal for college men. You're clapping for porn congratulations. 00:50:28.000 --> 00:50:35.000 It's why the number one male sexual fantasy in this country whether the man is straight, gay, or bi does not matter. 00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:41.000 Whether a man is straight, gay, or bi does not matter. The number one male sexual fantasy involves multiple people. Why? 00:50:41.000 --> 00:50:44.000 The more there are to see, the more there are for me. 00:50:44.000 --> 00:50:48.000 Men are visually wired. Ladies you get aroused visually too. 00:50:48.000 --> 00:50:52.000 But you also get aroused through your ears, through music, and through words. 00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:56.000 Through touch and through your sense of smell. 00:50:56.000 --> 00:50:63.000 The number one complaint to my website last year was from women. 00:51:03.000 --> 00:51:09.000 Women's biggest complain, "Why are men such horrible physical lovers?" Now you know what I found interesting? 00:51:09.000 --> 00:51:16.000 I didn't have one woman go, "Why are women horrible lovers." And I didn't have one guy go, "Why are guys such horrible lovers?" 00:51:16.000 --> 00:51:22.000 I think when we're making love to someone who shares our sex. We kind of know what we like, we try it out on them, good for us it worked. 00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:29.000 But sometimes I think that men and women have trouble communicating. So gentlemen I kind of stood up for us and I said, 00:51:31.000 --> 00:51:35.000 Every single woman I interviewed said the same thing, here's how men make love. 00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:41.000 He starts shoving his tongue down my throat at the speed of sound, he starts grabbing and heading, and he thinks that's going to turn me on. 00:51:41.000 --> 00:51:46.000 So what did I do? I interviewed 5,000 college aged women. 00:51:46.000 --> 00:51:50.000 It was one of the most enjoyable things I've ever done in my entire career. 00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:57.000 And I asked them one simple question. What can men do to get a clue? How can men become better lovers? 00:51:57.000 --> 00:51:64.000 Sit up straight. Shake them out. Take in a deep breath, hold it, let it out. 00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:08.000 I'm not just going to teach men right now how to become better lovers. 00:52:08.000 --> 00:52:15.000 I'm teaching all of you how to become better lovers. Number one, fingertips. 00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:22.000 More than four hundred women said, "I love it when my boyfriend or my girlfriend takes each one of my fingertips slowly into my mouth 00:52:22.000 --> 00:52:26.000 pulls their mouth off, puts some pressure." One of two things is going to happen. 00:52:26.000 --> 00:52:30.000 You're either going to have to pull them down out of the ceiling tiles because it worked or they're going to say lassie go home. 00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:38.000 Number two, palms and wrists. You guys, a palm can be an incredibly special and sensual place. 00:52:38.000 --> 00:52:45.000 But you are not a Saint Bernard. Little nibbles and touches. One lip at a time. Everybody listen in. 00:52:45.000 --> 00:52:52.000 One lip at a time. Put away your french kissing driblet of a tongue, kiss one lip at a time. 00:52:52.000 --> 00:52:61.000 Kiss the corners of their mouth, kiss their cheeks, kiss their eyelids when they're closed. And you don't do this all at once, you're not Woody Woodpecker. 00:53:01.000 --> 00:53:07.000 Back of the neck. How many of you have heard the saying the hair stood up on the back of my neck? How many of you have heard that? 00:53:07.000 --> 00:53:08.000 Do you know why? 00:53:08.000 --> 00:53:16.000 Because per square inch the most nerve endings on the neck are not in the front of the neck where we start kissing, they're not on the sides of the neck where we get to and we're like hmm. 00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:27.000 They're on the back of the neck so remember this. If you start in back you'll be invited back. Not that back. Lord. 00:53:27.000 --> 00:53:33.000 Toes. More than 150 women said toes. 00:53:33.000 --> 00:53:42.000 Kiss my toes, lick my toes, suck on my toes. 00:53:42.000 --> 00:53:51.000 You're so funny I see a bunch of you going ew. I understand that but there are a couple people in this gym thinking, 00:53:56.000 --> 00:53:63.000 Belly button. Now for some people. It's alright come on up. 00:54:03.000 --> 00:54:11.000 The belly button for some people that is far too close to other things developing. Holding you closely from behind, holding you closely from behind, let me turn this person around. 00:54:11.000 --> 00:54:19.000 Quite a few women said they love it when their boyfriend or girlfriend purposely or playfully comes up 00:54:19.000 --> 00:54:24.000 grabs them around the waist, pulls them in, and says something sweet. Small of the back. 00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:29.000 Before I teach you about the small of the back, ladies can I speak to the gentlemen for just a moment. Brothers where are you at? 00:54:29.000 --> 00:54:38.000 Brothers where you at? All my men give me half a wave. Number one thank you for being here. Number two, before I teach everyone about the small of the back 00:54:38.000 --> 00:54:41.000 I want to help my brothers out there correct something. 00:54:41.000 --> 00:54:44.000 The number one mistake that I see men make in public 00:54:44.000 --> 00:54:48.000 I don't see gay couples doing it, I don't see lesbian couples doing it, and I don't see women doing it to men. 00:54:48.000 --> 00:54:58.000 The number one mistake that I see men make in public is when you are kissing a woman in public gentlemen, your hands tend to go on archeological dig and expedition all over their body. 00:54:58.000 --> 00:54:62.000 I have a suggestion. No. Here's what I want you to do. 00:55:02.000 --> 00:55:04.000 All of you but gentlemen listen to me. 00:55:04.000 --> 00:55:13.000 Keep your dominant hand out. I'm right handed I'm going to keep my dominant hand out. Take your non dominant hand out and take it out of play. Everyone in this room dead silence for a moment. 00:55:13.000 --> 00:55:19.000 Folks you want your next kiss to be unbelievable. I don't care who you are, I don't care what sex you're into. 00:55:19.000 --> 00:55:27.000 Do you want your next kiss to be amazing? As that kiss begins, you take your dominant hand and you gently but firmly place it on the small of their back. 00:55:28.000 --> 00:55:32.000 And as you begin to kiss them you bring them slowly towards you and up. 00:55:32.000 --> 00:55:36.000 Towards you and up. And if you look around right now 00:55:36.000 --> 00:55:40.000 you will see most the people in your row have stopped breathing. 00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:42.000 Laughter. 00:55:42.000 --> 00:55:46.000 Okay? I'm telling you it works. 00:55:46.000 --> 00:55:52.000 Another pick up line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." It's kind of shitty. 00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:55.000 Laughter. 00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:58.000 Grab your handouts please and grab your pencil. 00:55:58.000 --> 00:55:66.000 Open up your handout to the real first page, not me on the cover. In fact fold it back over itself if you can. 00:56:06.000 --> 00:56:16.000 Find your johari window and grab your golf pencil for five of the most enjoyable sober minutes you'll ever spend as a college student. 00:56:16.000 --> 00:56:19.000 So let's go, your johari window. 00:56:19.000 --> 00:56:26.000 Everybody got a pencil? alright. Do you see where it says your favorite animal? 00:56:26.000 --> 00:56:34.000 Oh by the way, you can't do this together. You have to do it independently. So turn to the people next to you and say, "Don't cheat don't even think about it." 00:56:34.000 --> 00:56:38.000 Crowd repeats. 00:56:38.000 --> 00:56:45.000 If you cannot trust them turn your back to them now. These are your friends. 00:56:45.000 --> 00:56:50.000 Number one. Write down your favorite animal. 00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:56.000 If you do not have a favorite animal, choose one that was on the ark and write it down. 00:56:56.000 --> 00:56:60.000 Underneath that, listen please. So number one is your 00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:06.000 favorite animal. Underneath that there are three bullets write down the three words that best describe your favorite animal. 00:57:06.000 --> 00:57:13.000 Number one is your favorite animal, and the three words that best describe your favorite animal. 00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:32.000 Number two. Write down your favorite color and yes it can be a shade of something. 00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:36.000 Absolutely it can be fifty shades of grey. 00:57:36.000 --> 00:57:40.000 Hello. Then can I have silence please? 00:57:40.000 --> 00:57:49.000 Then, imagine yourself in a room where you're surrounded by your favorite color. The carpeting is your favorite color, the walls were painted your favorite color. 00:57:49.000 --> 00:57:52.000 The chair, the couch, whatever you're sitting on 00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:55.000 is your favorite color. The curtains are a shade of your favorite color. 00:57:55.000 --> 00:57:62.000 Write down the three words that best describe what it makes you feel being surrounded by your favorite color. 00:58:02.000 --> 00:58:12.000 Number two, is your favorite color. And the three words that best describe what you feel being surrounded by your favorite color. 00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:29.000 Number three. Write down your favorite body of water. This could be a puddle, toilet, lake, river, spring, 00:58:29.000 --> 00:58:33.000 ocean, waterfall, babbling brook, hot tub, bathtub, mote, lagoon, 00:58:33.000 --> 00:58:36.000 bowl of soup, eye dropper, cup of tea. 00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:42.000 syringe. And the three words that best describe your favorite body of water. 00:58:42.000 --> 00:58:50.000 So number three is your favorite body of water 00:58:56.000 --> 00:58:62.000 Alright ladies and gentlemen, I will now give you 60 seconds, listen up please. 00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:08.000 I'm going to give you 60 seconds, no more no less. You share all of your answers and get someone else's. 00:59:08.000 --> 00:59:12.000 So that none of you change your answers after you hear what these things means. But do me this one favor, 00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:16.000 Look around, if someone happens to be sitting by themselves say "nope, you're with us." 00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:21.000 Make sure no one is alone, you've got 60 seconds, share your answers go. 00:59:21.000 --> 00:59:66.000 Chattering. 01:00:06.000 --> 01:00:17.000 Stop right there please. This is my favorite part of the show, here's how it works, I will tell you what they mean. 01:00:17.000 --> 01:00:25.000 After I tell you what they mean, you will mumble and murmur. You will absolutely mumble and murmur, then I will tell you why they're so accurate. The comes the fun part. 01:00:25.000 --> 01:00:32.000 Any of you who think that your answers are wither deadly accurate or horribly wrong, you can share your answer and we will laugh with you. 01:00:32.000 --> 01:00:42.000 First, your favorite animal stands for, how you think other people see you. 01:00:42.000 --> 01:00:48.000 How you think other people see you. 01:00:48.000 --> 01:00:60.000 Chattering and laughter. 01:01:00.000 --> 01:01:15.000 Listen up, for a minute. Folks I love this part, there's at least one or two guys sitting here right now going, "I'm not telling this gym full of people that my favorite animal is a kola bear, I'm not doing it." 01:01:15.000 --> 01:01:20.000 Five or ten or fifteen women are going "hippo, elephant, aardvark, platypus, whale" 01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:30.000 Here's why it works, in this country, we buy our pets based upon the way we want people to see us. Let's say somebody walked in right now, 01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:39.000 right past the wonderful staff and they came up here on stage and they had a six week old chocolate lab puppy, most of us would go "aw" 01:01:39.000 --> 01:01:45.000 That never happened, this time they walk 150 pound doberman. 01:01:45.000 --> 01:01:50.000 Yeah. I don't hear any aw's but I hear some yeah's. 01:01:50.000 --> 01:01:54.000 Who wants to share their animal in three words because it's pretty accurate? 01:01:54.000 --> 01:01:62.000 Go ahead, it was Thomas right? Thomas, what's your favorite animal? A lion. Three words? 01:02:04.000 --> 01:02:08.000 King, beautiful and strong, feed him. 01:02:08.000 --> 01:02:16.000 He's king of the jungle. Stand please, I see you up there. First name? What is it? 01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:24.000 Alisha. What a beautiful name, I haven't heard that name in a long time. What is your favorite animal? A dog? Three words? 01:02:24.000 --> 01:02:31.000 Happy, fluffy and fun. Stand please, first name? Spell, 01:02:32.000 --> 01:02:36.000 Oh that's beautiful, that's cool. What's your favorite animal? 01:02:36.000 --> 01:02:48.000 Monkey? Three words, wild, dirty and happy. Stand please, first name? Paul. 01:02:48.000 --> 01:02:59.000 Oh that's not good, you said your name, and this entire pack of people just went "oh god", what's your favorite animal? Cougar. 01:02:59.000 --> 01:02:67.000 Three words, everyone else be silent, I can't hear him. Be nice and loud. 01:03:07.000 --> 01:03:16.000 Large. That is so funny, all these words, he says large and that guy goes "large." that was so funny. 01:03:16.000 --> 01:03:19.000 Feed the pervert right here, feed him. 01:03:19.000 --> 01:03:28.000 Somebody else? Right up there, way up there, yes in the half shirt that's you, you looked away from me. What's your name? Hi Jake. 01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:34.000 What's your animal? A german shepherd puppy. Go ahead and say aw. 01:03:34.000 --> 01:03:36.000 Now silence please, three words? 01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:50.000 Very sweet. Stand please, first name? Kimberly. What's your animal? Dog, three worlds? 01:03:50.000 --> 01:03:58.000 Friendly, caring and loving. Go ahead, whats your animal? Elephant. Three words? 01:03:58.000 --> 01:03:64.000 Playful, smart and loving. Everybody look at the screen. Did I head someone go "darn"? 01:04:04.000 --> 01:04:11.000 I don't want to be a darn, who said darn. Was it you? Stand up, I don't want a darn in my audience. Whats your first name? 01:04:12.000 --> 01:04:16.000 Mandy, what's your animal? A giraffe, three words? 01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:20.000 Unique, beautiful and intelligent. 01:04:20.000 --> 01:04:26.000 Crunch. Everybody check out the screen. The Caesar international pet food company, 01:04:26.000 --> 01:04:34.000 Ran a competition to find the five people in America who look most like their pets, I have the winners. Fifth place, 01:04:34.000 --> 01:04:36.000 Fourth place. 01:04:36.000 --> 01:04:40.000 Third place, second place. 01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:47.000 And the grand champion who won a check for 100,000 dollars and free dog food for the rest of his life. 01:04:47.000 --> 01:04:51.000 Isn't that amazing? 01:04:51.000 --> 01:04:55.000 We are not going to share this one, but I'll tell you what it means. 01:04:55.000 --> 01:04:62.000 Your favorite color stands for how you see yourself. 01:05:02.000 --> 01:05:09.000 We dress ourselves the way we want to be seen on any given day. Before I tell you number three, 01:05:09.000 --> 01:05:15.000 Go ahead and share your body of water in three words, one more time. Make sure you know each other's body of water in three words. 01:05:15.000 --> 01:05:23.000 Chattering. 01:05:24.000 --> 01:05:38.000 Alright, your favorite body of water stands for how you see sex for you. How you see sex for you. 01:05:38.000 --> 01:05:55.000 Laughing and chattering. 01:05:55.000 --> 01:05:59.000 Quick show of hands, how many of you just got prouder of your answer all of a sudden? 01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:05.000 Aright, can I have dead silence? Would you all look down here, 01:06:05.000 --> 01:06:13.000 Instead of me giving you the answer, I'm going to go like this and you're going to give me the answer because you know them. 01:06:13.000 --> 01:06:20.000 Here's why your favorite body of water equals how you see sex for you. During intercourse there can be the interchanging of.."Bodily fluids." 01:06:20.000 --> 01:06:29.000 The human body is made up primarily of water. There is what in the womb? Water, babies that was very helpful. 01:06:29.000 --> 01:06:33.000 It was pervert man, I know. 01:06:33.000 --> 01:06:39.000 Amniotic fluid, buoyant, full of minerals, baby happy, baby born, baby pissed, baby wants back in. 01:06:40.000 --> 01:06:47.000 Who wants to share their body of water? Way up there in the hat, first name? Hey everybody let me do this, 01:06:47.000 --> 01:06:56.000 Whenever someone raises their hand and I call on them, would everybody turn toward that person and get completely silent so I can hear them. First name. 01:06:56.000 --> 01:06:60.000 How are you? Hows the show from up there? 01:07:00.000 --> 01:07:04.000 Cool, what's your favorite body of water? What is it? 01:07:04.000 --> 01:07:11.000 Bong water? This'll be fabulous. 01:07:11.000 --> 01:07:21.000 Welcome to Oregon. Okay, silence please? The three words? 01:07:21.000 --> 01:07:31.000 I don't need anything other than stinky, thanks for playing. Up there in the black, right there, black hair, yes. First name? 01:07:32.000 --> 01:07:36.000 Cailey. And what is your body of water? 01:07:36.000 --> 01:07:40.000 Caspian sea. Three words? 01:07:40.000 --> 01:07:48.000 Turtles, low and deep. 01:07:48.000 --> 01:07:52.000 Enjoy those therapy bills. Right there in the hat? 01:07:52.000 --> 01:07:56.000 Right there, stand up fro me. First name? Dude you're freaking huge. 01:07:56.000 --> 01:07:64.000 You need a job? If I ever need a body guard I'm coming back to Monmouth and you're the man, man. 01:08:04.000 --> 01:08:11.000 Oh were going to hook it up, I'll give you a card. By the way, friends. First name? Tristan. 01:08:12.000 --> 01:08:22.000 That's a cool name. Food for his freaking name? Lets see if he can... 01:08:22.000 --> 01:08:32.000 Oh Zeus. I'm not bothering him. Body of water? The Pacific ocean. Three words? 01:08:32.000 --> 01:08:36.000 Deep, lots of fun and lots of sun. Feed the man. 01:08:36.000 --> 01:08:44.000 Alright, I see this person okay go ahead. First name? Taylor. Body of water? 01:08:44.000 --> 01:08:48.000 Lake Kenosha. And three words? 01:08:48.000 --> 01:08:60.000 Peaceful, quite and perfect. Okay, hold on. Yeah you scare me, go ahead and stand up, right here. Yeah, you. One of you waved at me. 01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:07.000 You're both well dressed, you're both handsome. One of you waved at me, first name? 01:09:07.000 --> 01:09:13.000 Andreas? With an 's'? How cool is that. Where are you from? 01:09:13.000 --> 01:09:22.000 San Diego. What's your body of water? The Indian Ocean. Three words? 01:09:22.000 --> 01:09:30.000 Massive, blue and beautiful. Way up there, stand up for me. First name? Body of water? 01:09:30.000 --> 01:09:40.000 The red sea? This'll be fun. Three words, nice and loud, nice and slow. 01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:44.000 Cheering. 01:09:44.000 --> 01:09:48.000 Black shirt, green writing, yes you way up there. 01:09:48.000 --> 01:09:55.000 You, yes. First name? Body of water? 01:09:55.000 --> 01:09:61.000 Hot chocolate, oh man. 01:10:01.000 --> 01:10:08.000 This is not going to end well. Three words? 01:10:08.000 --> 01:10:12.000 Cheering. 01:10:12.000 --> 01:10:16.000 Put your hands down. 01:10:16.000 --> 01:10:20.000 Here are two of the funniest ones I've heard in the past year, 01:10:20.000 --> 01:10:27.000 I spoke at Ohio State University not long ago, one of the football players stood up and goes "Mine be toilet." 01:10:33.000 --> 01:10:38.000 Mississippi State university, 2100 fraternity and sorority students in front of me, 01:10:38.000 --> 01:10:44.000 This lovely young lady raised her hand, turns out she was the runner up Miss Mississippi form the year before, she stands up and goes, 01:10:52.000 --> 01:10:56.000 Funniest one. Let's move on. 01:10:56.000 --> 01:10:62.000 How many of you in this room, how many of you are dating or more than dating someone? 01:11:02.000 --> 01:11:10.000 Hands down, how many of you hope to some day? Hands down. How many of you if it happens, great, if it doesn't happen then you're great too? 01:11:10.000 --> 01:11:15.000 If you're going to date someone I want you to have the three types of love. Listen up please. 01:11:16.000 --> 01:11:22.000 The first type of love is eros love, it comes from the word erotic, it means I'm hot for you, you're hot for me, let's go be hot together. 01:11:22.000 --> 01:11:28.000 If the only, listen please, if the only type of love you have for someone else is physically based, 01:11:28.000 --> 01:11:35.000 That relationship has no chance over time, you can always find someone better looking and so can they. The second type of love, 01:11:35.000 --> 01:11:39.000 is called agape love, agape love is a heartfelt love that grows stronger over time. 01:11:39.000 --> 01:11:45.000 When you look at someone and you say 'I love you, I'm so in love with you" and you actually means those words, you've hit agape love. 01:11:45.000 --> 01:11:52.000 And the third type of love is called phillia love, it comes from the word Philadelphia and it means you're great friends. So if you're in a wonderful relationship, 01:11:52.000 --> 01:11:58.000 You want to be hot for each other, you have to have feelings of love for each other and you want to enjoy each other's company. 01:11:58.000 --> 01:11:67.000 How many of you in this room, besides me, how many of you have ever had a horrible kissing experience? Alright, let's do this, 01:12:07.000 --> 01:12:15.000 When I say go, I want you to clap out loud, and when I go like this, stop. Ready? Clap. 01:12:15.000 --> 01:12:24.000 I am going to share with you the five worst kissers I've experienced. After I describe one, if you have kissed someone like that, please clap and commiserate with me. 01:12:24.000 --> 01:12:33.000 I just want to know that I'm not alone. The first one's called Niagara Falls. The more you kiss, the more liquid they produce, they're basically trying to drown you. 01:12:33.000 --> 01:12:44.000 A deer in the headlights, you are passionately kissing someone else, passionately. And you sneak a little peek and when you open up your eyes, they're already staring right back at you. 01:12:44.000 --> 01:12:50.000 Twister, they're moving their tongue around inside your mouth at the speed of sound. 01:12:50.000 --> 01:12:58.000 The sloth, they put your tongue inside your mouth and it just lays there, you've got to move it around. 01:12:58.000 --> 01:12:72.000 You want to charge them rent, and the last one, is called the raw oyster. They're kind of cold and clammy and pale. And they have a chronic runny nose that drips down into the kissing area. 01:13:12.000 --> 01:13:18.000 Next to last thing in tonight's show, I told you there would be a picture of my wife in the show, That is my wife, her name's Tina. 01:13:18.000 --> 01:13:22.000 Cheering. 01:13:22.000 --> 01:13:30.000 She's even more beautiful inside. That's what makes her pretty fabulous. So we talked about the three times of love, physical, heartfelt and friends ship. 01:13:30.000 --> 01:13:35.000 I also want you to find these seven qualities in someone else. So let's make sure. 01:13:35.000 --> 01:13:39.000 You're going to have physical love, you're going to have heartfelt love and you're going to enjoy each other as friends. 01:13:39.000 --> 01:13:44.000 And then I want you to have these as well. Number one, look for someone with a sense of independence. 01:13:44.000 --> 01:13:48.000 Someone who can stand on their own two feet. Number two, 01:13:48.000 --> 01:13:54.000 Confident, be confident. Ladies, can I talk to my boys for a moment? Hey gentlemen, where are you at? 01:13:54.000 --> 01:13:61.000 Gentlemen look at me, and I don't care if you are straight or gay, I could care less. 01:14:01.000 --> 01:14:08.000 There is nothing sexier than a confident man, until you become cocky and you become an ass. 01:14:08.000 --> 01:14:20.000 Live, and I mean this for the women too, live where confidence lives. Repeat that everyone. Live where confidence lives. Number three, 01:14:20.000 --> 01:14:24.000 Be interesting, exciting, motivated, driven, inspired. 01:14:24.000 --> 01:14:32.000 Number four, have a fun loving sense of humor. Look for someone who funny, but if you're not personally funny, don't force it. 01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:37.000 What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Damn. What state has the smallest smallest drinks? Minnesota. 01:14:37.000 --> 01:14:41.000 If you're not funny, don't be funny. Number five, 01:14:41.000 --> 01:14:45.000 Ladies and gentlemen, please. Please, in your world of social media, 01:14:45.000 --> 01:14:51.000 Leave some mystery. No one needs to see a tweet that says "I had ten extra minutes, I took a dump." 01:14:51.000 --> 01:14:58.000 We don't need to know. Number six, how many of you suspect to be wildly successful in this world? 01:14:58.000 --> 01:14:68.000 So do I, for you. Every single day that success happens for you, be humble. Stay grounded. People should hear about you from everyone but you. And number seven, 01:15:08.000 --> 01:15:13.000 Please be able to communicate without being judgmental, controlling or showing anger. 01:15:13.000 --> 01:15:19.000 If you have those seven, and you've got the three types of love, you've sure got my blessing to date whoever you're dating. 01:15:19.000 --> 01:15:25.000 The worst pickup line "I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you" 01:15:25.000 --> 01:15:33.000 I love this picture, it's a picture of a little boy at the end of World War two. Taken in Vienna Austria. Why do I love this picture? 01:15:33.000 --> 01:15:38.000 All the salvation army did was give him a new pairs of shoes. Look at his face. 01:15:38.000 --> 01:15:47.000 I think the sense of satisfaction and the feeling of euphoria on that little boys face is a snapshot of the human heart happy with what it has. 01:15:47.000 --> 01:15:56.000 When you're talking about your significant other, that's what your heart should look like. When you're telling people what it's like to go to Western, I can't even imagine, I just get to visit. 01:15:56.000 --> 01:15:63.000 I can't imagine, Zeus and others, what it must be like to go to school here. And when you're talking about what you're going to someone for your career. 01:16:03.000 --> 01:16:11.000 That's what your heart should look like. If it doesn't, you're settling. Life's too short. The last thing I'm going to show you is a quick slide show, it's set to music, 01:16:12.000 --> 01:16:17.000 After it's over, I'll take one or two more questions from you, and then I'm going to turn you loose to go to your dance. 01:16:17.000 --> 01:16:23.000 Okay, so hold on one second. By the way, thanks for being a fabulous audience. 01:16:48.000 --> 01:19:48.000 Music. 01:19:48.000 --> 01:19:52.000 Cheering. 01:19:52.000 --> 01:19:58.000 Thank you, I'll share one last thing with you and we'll get you out of here and get you ready for your dance, I know it's starting later. 01:19:58.000 --> 01:19:64.000 None of you were even a thought in your parent's eye when this person ran for president. 01:20:04.000 --> 01:20:11.000 But in 1956, John F. Kennedy ran for the vice presidential nomination for the democratic party. That ticket did not win. 01:20:11.000 --> 01:20:18.000 So in 1958, the leaders of the democratic party came back to John F. Kennedy and they said "Look, we're really screwed up," 01:20:25.000 --> 01:20:32.000 And he said "jeez, I really appreciate that, I couldn't be more flattered" but the answer he gave them, is the answer I live my life by, 01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:38.000 And I just want to share it with you, he said to them "if I accept second place, when first place is available," 01:20:43.000 --> 01:20:48.000 Why do I share that with you? It's okay if you have the second best grades this semester that you ever get. 01:20:48.000 --> 01:20:55.000 It's okay if your relationship is second best to what it could be, and it's okay if you missed a little goal by here or there but you tried 01:20:55.000 --> 01:20:59.000 As long as you gave yourself every chance to have the best time of your life. 01:20:59.000 --> 01:20:63.000 All anyone can ask is that you can give your best every single day. Upperclassmen, 01:21:03.000 --> 01:21:08.000 You're a great role model just for being in this room tonight, you could have been anywhere else, but you came here. 01:21:08.000 --> 01:21:14.000 And it tells all the new students that you have enough respect for the school to come out to something that you don't even have to be at. 01:21:14.000 --> 01:21:19.000 So bless you for being here, have a great year and thank you for having me on your campus. 01:21:19.000 --> 01:21:20.000 I really appreciate it. 01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:24.000 Applause.